Viva La Difference!

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I do...I really do think that men and women are two different species of the same race.

The HUMAN race, you confused, racially minded people. The White Race, and the Black Race do not exist. Racial differentiation came from slavery. That's why it's only two, bi-lateral. What are Asians? The Yellow Race? What are Latins? The Latin Race? What are Italians and Irish, The Italian and Irish Races? Stupid right, when you realize that we are talking about geographical boundaries. We are all part of the HUMAN RACE. That's why all of our parts work together. We can do transfusions and transplants and still work well. Try that shit with animals. You can't even make a baby from a dog or cat. Try it. Sorry all of you hate mongers, we're brothers from life to death. Skin color bears as much weight as a tan on a White person.

But I'm sorry about all the cama- raderie bros, because I hate to say it. WOMEN are NOT like us. They are an entirely different species. Look up the fucking definition: "...a class of individuals having some common characteristics or qualities; distinct sort or kind." We have SOME common characteristics with women, but not a whole fucking lot. We are bi-pedal, we have two hands with opposable thumbs, two eyes...and then it ends because we have penises and they have vaginas. I mean, thank God for that. This would be a fucked up world (for many of us) if it only had dicks in it. But no, we share this planet with women, although we fail to realize that we may share the same space, not the same thinking.

I was asked, because I'm a writer, to write a story from a woman's point of view. Challenge myself and see if I can do it. Write a short story straight from a woman's viewpoint. I tried. I really tried. I pushed myself and pushed myself and wriggled into those pants that were too tight and those shoes that I could only get half my foot in, and then I had to give the fuck up. I had to realize that I don't know WHAT THE FUCK is going on in a woman's mind. I don't. I'm not saying that as a put down. Maybe men's minds can't grasp the level of reality that women can. Maybe we are still cavemen and they have evolved into a higher...SPECIES. Maybe that's the case.

Maybe. But don't ask me to think like a woman, because frankly, I have no fucking clue. There should be a game show where men have to answer questions the way women would. You would find some of the most funniest shit on television with that premise, because Men don't know fuck about women. Every day with one is a fucking learning experience. And if you are not really trying to get into their pants, there is just a legal limit of how many of them you want or need as friends. A few women as friends is one thing, but a lot is just asking to fry your brains. The difference is that you can always tell a friend to GO THE FUCK ON HOME!!! That's the cool thing about a female friend that has a fucking chick meltdown. Give her China Syndrome Skull cab fare home and tell her to GET LOST!

Yep, you can hang the phone up on them psycho mother- fuckers when they start to let the cuckoo out of the clock. You can walk away. You can run if you have to. Leave her alone and guess what? When her fucking head stops turning like a siren on a cop car, she'll relax and then you can talk to her...if you FUCKING WANT TO. You can ignore that entire conversation for the rest of her life.  You can do that to a female friend. That's why female friends are not bad. You can have as many as you want, as long as you know how to screen your calls and turn off your phone. If after a meltdown they tell you that they never want to speak to you again, good riddance. That's like a nosebleed telling you that it'll never return.

Hey, I'm NOT saying that men can't be friends with women. I AM saying that those women who even WOMEN don't want any part of as friends, who don't really understand what a friend is and will treat you as an emotional tampon...those are the ones that you need to shut down and lose if you can because you can't reason with them, there is no logic you can use. YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW ANY OF THEM THINK! Stop taking it personally. Forget trying to figure them out. All of them do strange things for strange reasons, and when you ask them, they'll tell you something about them being in the right mood. They can't give you a legitimate reason. They can't. So they cook up the: "Right Mood" response. Fuck it, so what? That's okay with me baby.

UNLESS YOU'RE TRYING TO GET INTO THEIR PANTS. Then you're fucked. When she realizes that you want to fuck her, you're in for a rough ride, with rigid rules, cut backs and dead ends. It's a maze of logic that you'll have to fend through until you can either decipher her....well, I like to call it FUCKING MADNESS...or give up on trying to fuck her. I would suggest to you to give up on trying to fuck her and deal with another woman's psychotic episodes, especially if the other woman is giving you sex. Those that aren't, really, really judge your odds. If your odds are low that you will get sex or be able to give her a fluid ounce of semen somewhere in her body, then ease up on the emotional psychosis. Leave her to fend for herself more often than not. That's the safest place to be. 

It's nice to be a friend to someone sensible, but we're men. We like what we like. We're very simple. There aren't any guides for us. Look in a book store. There are a million books on how to deal with women, how women need to deal with men, how women get in trouble from being with the wrong man. Sex with men. Men and their faults. Men, men men...all in the woman's section. In the men section, you have a book on the penis and then magazines of women kissing.

Why women kissing? Because we like that shit. Men have few limits when it comes to sex. Unless it's sex with the person we care about. I can't speak for all men, I really can't. I can just speak for myself. I can watch porn, and in porn, I can deal with some of the most bizarre shit, like gangbangs. That can turn me on. In fact I would date a porn star if she was in a gangbang. But she'd have to be famous, not some skank cheapo, not so hot chick doing a score of dudes for attention. I'm talking about a woman that fucks for a living. A Nine to Fiver screwing and making money doing it. I have more respect for even a prostitute. I'm not applauding prostitution, but think of Ashley Youmans...yeah, you know her, Ashley Alexandra Dupré, the prostitute that had Eliot Spitzer as a client. She was making hundreds of thousands when she was just fucking, and then turned millions when the scandal broke out. Now THAT'S a woman! I wouldn't mind sticking my three inches as far up into her as a I can until I snap my spine.

Now here's the difference. If I met a woman that told me that she did gangbangs, or fucked any man with a wallet, my first question is....Do you do that shit for a living? And if you do, how much do you make? You are interesting the more money you make and the more famous people are that you fuck. Don't be a nickel and dime screw because your stock WILL FALL. I think that's the major difference between men and women and sex and the insanity of the sexes to begin with. Take a father. He can go to a stripper club, or party, watch twenty year old strippers all night, giving them a dollar to shake their tits at them. At the end of the party and near close, when everyone is sufficiently drunk, he'll take a stripper to the men's room, slip her two hundreds and have her blow him while sitting on the toilet fondling herself.

Then he'll go home and his eighteen year old daughter tries to walk out of the house with a short skirt on, or his wife dresses for the dinner party without a bra on. When he comes across this he does a fucking back flip! Double standard, right? Hey, I have it too. Let's go back to women kissing. Yeah, women kissing. Why? Because we love it so. Next to blowjobs that is. Daughters, mothers, sisters, girlfriends....uhhh, no. Men? NO! Strange women drunk in a bar, showing their tits for a shot of Jack Daniels, mouths so filthy that they can make little red demons blush...oh yeah. 

But let that shit even be our best friends wife or girlfriend. We've got a serious dilemma. Our entire world is screwed up. Our very simple logic is made complex by women and their decision making processes. We are thrown into a turmoil and have a China Syndrome of our own. And frankly, when a man acts like that, we shut them down too and send them THE FUCK ON HOME! Yeah, we are caught on the horns of a dilemma because there is a valuable double standard, I don't often agree with it, but I have to give it lip service. The fact of the matter is that WOMEN LOVE SEX. They'll fuck a straight wooden pole if no one was watching. 

They were MADE to fuck. Think about it guys. Women in history were so fucking dangerous when it came to pagan worship that the church fathers felt them such the THREAT that they were tortured. The gods that powerful men worshiped were FEMALE FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Women fucked and created life out their bodies. We couldn't do that shit! They can fuck longer, harder, more and more than we can. We, on the other hand, are viable for the rest of our lives. Women have a finite period, just only so many hundreds of thousands of eggs before she dries up and her show is over. So then why do we begrudge them their biological clock? They fuck like they're frantic, at an insane pace, with the drive to give them that. Women want to fuck so badly that they'll fuck other women if they have to. Nothing wrong with that mind you.

But then what is wrong with us men when we find that our girlfriend is a skank? Instant turnoff. She's like the town bicycle, dropped off at the side of the road. Rusted, covered with mud, missing a seat. Whenever someone is in a jam he'll pick it up and ride it across town to his girlfriend's house and then throw it into a gutter somewhere for the next down and out dude, stuck in the rain, or without his hot girl to pick him up in her car. Yep, we see them as the town bicycle. However, reverse that shit. A man that is plowing through women like there is no tomorrow. Women LINE THE FUCK UP to get drilled. He is the most desirable thing next to breathing. Are you kidding me? A man that can stay faithful ain't shit to women.

It's apparent to me that men, unless they are on a break, which we do at times whether we admit to it or not, have two women. Some greedy motherfuckers have even more, but we have the one woman who is the top of them all. We deal with all of her shit, and her psychosis and in return, she gives us fidelity, children and stable, satisfying sex. Cool, no problem. Then there are the odd fuckers who need to have a little more. Hey, it seems to me like a male self delusion, lack of self-respect thing. They think so little of themselves that by envisioning themselves as a playboy, or a swinger appeals to their flagging manhood or tiny dicks. OUCH! Hey guys, women aren't the only creatures that read this blog and call me a sexist dickhead.

They need the racier sex that they see in porn. Since pornstars are having gorilla sex then everyone is and they are missing out. Ha ha ha, so stupid. Therefore they have their 'other' woman on the side. She is the less hot, lonely, desperate woman who has no doubt the same lack of esteem as the man. This shallow copulation has nothing to do with anything other than two poor souls 'getting away' with something illicit. Either they're cheating the forces of life or a mate. These guys will try to pile up as many of these loser women as possible to feel good about themselves. What about the loser women, Mr. Hobo? What is their motivation? They're losers. Shit, didn't I tell you that I DON'T KNOW HOW A WOMAN THINKS? Did you think I was shitting you? I can see a woman FOOLED into thinking that she's the girl on top, but for the life of me, what is going on in a woman's mind that 'willingly' places herself in that? I don't know what the fuck they were thinking. Don't think I haven't tried. I get the usual 'Mood' shit.

All I can tell you is that WOMEN LOVE TO FUCK. Maybe your answer is in there some- where. Tilt the scales enough and you can have Miss Teen America do some nefarious shit on television. Yeah, that's right, there is no limit for any woman guys. I'm not saying that they are unscrupulous, I'm saying don't put anything past your wife/girlfriend/Sister/DAUGHTER/MOTHER! They will fool and shock your puritanical senses. When you go over to visit your parents and you find your dad out at work and your mom blowing the mailman in the bathroom, that will RESET your ass. And believe me, don't bother asking her why she is on her knees swallowing the milkman's milk. She'll say something that has to do with 'Mood'. 

Fuck then, what are the answers? I'm sorry, I'm just a hobo. I don't have any. I just have the balls to raise the questions and then walk away from them, like ANY normal instigator would. I just call it quits on trying to figure out the game. I have no limits and no restrictions. Everyone can do whatever the fuck they please in my book, as long as no one else gets hurt. Live up to your responsibilities and finish them equitably and reasonably when you can't. It's okay to love one another. Fuck one another if you must. Screw until you're exhausted of it, then get up and do it some more. Live life. That's my motto. 

Live life to it's fullest. At the end of it all, have no regrets. But remember, regrets are a two way street and can be from sins of Omission or Commission. Things we've done and things we didn't do. Remember that. 


I do. That's why I'm alive now.


Hobobob