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Hey, it's Eileen Ko Holle here with another breaking news story. Yeah, if any of you bitches remember me in 2006 you know I keep 'em comin'. I just scour the globe for the most funkiest stories that can be found on the Internet. Today we are proud to give you another sorry assed but desperate plan by a mega-corporation to build up sagging sales. This week it's Burger King.
In an effort to sell more food to already Fat Assed Americans, Burger King has come up with the BK Broiler, Bacon Bra Biggie Bust Burger! Already men are chomping at the bit and salivating to get their hands on these two soft, meaty patties made of 100% hot chick from Virginia, Delaware and Tennessee, slathered with a layer of mayonaise and strips of uncooked bacon stuck on it. At only 2200 calories it is a meal that has enough calories to last a healthy man the entire day! The patties are gently aged to no more than 17 years and are soft but quite firm.
Jack Ass, the Head of Burger King's marketing department said that he came up with the idea while watching porn. Asked what was the best thing he ever put in his mouth, he thought seriously about the question and the rest was history. At the opening launch of the Bra Biggie Bust Burger the line went around the corner and down the block because obviously there is no takeout orders. Well not yet. When 17 year old crack whores can be found, who knows? The skies the limit! Just in one day alone, Burger King made over six million dollars and sold out their modest supply of raw bacon.
"Shit, if I'd known we'd get a response like this, I'd brought more bacon!" Ass said. Sales of the BK Broiler Bacon Bra Biggie Bust Burgers are planned to open at eleven major cities tomorrow! Whoopee. I can't wait to get my hands on two of 'em!
What do you think Bad Brad?
I'm...sick, (burp)!
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