Alright. I don't get LOST.
I'm trying. I know I'm homeless, and I can't really relate to a bunch of handsome men on an island with a bunch of attractive women, waiting to be rescued and not really considering the fact that THIS PLACE HAS NO EVIDENCE OF EVER BEING TOUCHED BY HUMAN HANDS. Well, not right away. Now they're finding shit underground, and bodies of other people, shit like that. Very good. But WHY WEREN'T THESE POOR MOTHER FUCKERS RESCUED? I think, when that Smoke Monster came around that it was time for the ol' hobo to go take a chick, and head into a cave somewhere and go back to the stone age.
Either that or make traps for the Smoke Monster. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ANYWAY!!! It gives me the shits. I would go get a big damn stick and go confront that motherfucker if I didn't see what it did to that pilot in the second episode. I have to tell you people, that's my greatest fear. Getting sucked up into the air and turned into blood and hamburger meat in a split second. I know death is complete and instantaneous if it did happen, but I'd hate the shit out of just knowing that shit happened to my body.
OHHH, now you think the hobo is crazy right? You think that dying like that poor bastid pilot in the show, who was sucked up and came back down blood and bone is an irrational fear...well let me tell you something smart ass. I used to work around JET engines. Have you ever tried that? In another life, before I became homeless, that was my chosen profession. Airline mechanic. One of the first things we are taught is the respect for the intake of a jet engine. It has a greater suction distance than most realize. And if you were to look down one, it looks like a monstrous mouth with serrated teeth. Something really to be feared.
Many stupid ass technicians and handlers can make a mistake. Or a pilot. What do you think happens to you when those turbines are on full? If you're standing anywhere in front of that intake, you are SUCKED up and julienned out the other side. Have you ever seen ground meat in tattered clothing come spraying out the back of a jet exhaust ? Let me tell you, you don't want to.
Have I ever? Shit no. I just told you it's one of my greatest fears. Do you think therefore I'm hanging around looking for that shit. I can barely handle it being done by the fucking Shadow Monster. Other than that, I don't know what the fuck to make out of that series. And that shit has 25 episodes for the season. Fuck! In my screenplay I only have 23. Don't tell me that I'll have to write two more. That would be almost impossible.
But what is the appeal of this series. I'm starting to get tired of these cuts back and forth for everyone on the show. This one and that one and this one. It seems like every episode we're forced to watch another back-story. I wonder if the writers realize that this series is vague enough. They should dispense with the fucking flashbacks and EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!! Is it a magical island, like in
HR. PUFFNSTUFF? With dancing, whatever the fuck he is, and witches and shit? Or is it like
GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, filled with the madcap antics of a bunch of clowns trying to find their way off the island.
Hell, it can even be like
FANTASY ISLAND, with that Mr. Roarke and Scary Tattoo, making people's dreams come true. But all of them motherfuckers better have that $50,000 dollars or they'll probably be eaten by that Smoke Monster. But whatever the fucking case...tell me something. Tell me what the fuck is going on?! I get tired trying to figure shit out constantly. And this show is tiring me out.
You see, check out a series like Battlestar Galactica. It was easy. Cylons cill yo az. Simple math. You see a Cylon, you run your ass off. In fact, the entire solar system packed their fucking bags and ran their collective asses off. I'm tell you, REAL PEOPLE do shit like this. Aliens come and kick their asses, they pack up their shit and get the fuck outta dodge. I loved that shit. Now THAT's LOST. Running and being chased the fuck down! I can get into that. Besides, those chicks in the Colonial Fleet were so hot that if I was a Cylon I'd chase their serious moonlight asses all over the galaxy too!
But no. I have to deal with this 'What is this?' 'What is that?' shit for hours on end. You know I can only take ten minutes at a pop watching this shit, so I did dishes and washed and waxed my floor watching it. If I multi-task I can handle it. So I watched episode after episode of the first season and I'm getting pissed off. I watched it from eight in the evening to Seven O'clock in the morning (Of course I had to put three coats of floor wax on my floors to get the shine that I wanted) and I still have no urge to see another. I'm just trying to get through the first season.
And there's six seasons of this shit? What do they do? Make the island into an amusement park. And dead beats, well you know what happens to them, right? Yoo Hoo! Smoke Monster! So here I am watching the one show that I can't stand watching. I mean, I'm watching a lot of shows that I wouldn't otherwise watch if MY shows were on the Internet. And do you want to know what my problem is? Fucking NETFLIX. These bitches are pulling a fast one.
When I first joined Netflix Streaming, they had some of the coolest, newest releases out. I mean, last years movies. 2000 and shit. Some of the best shit on the silver screen, like the motherfucking
BOONDOCK SAINTS!! ONE and
TWO: ALL SAINTS DAY!! damnit! (Please God, make a Third). You see, we need more
straight on,
straight forward plots like this on television. Bad guy vs Good guy, right away, right now! Come on now, what happened to television shows like Batman and Robin, Green Hornet and Kato, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Andy Griffith and Barney Fife? Good guys were clearly distinguished from the bad guys. And when the show started, these fuckers were battling each other.
But going back to this four flushing Netflix who think they're pulling a fast one. These mother fuckers have now LOWERED the price of the 'unlimited streaming movies over the Internet' to $7.99 from $8.99. Wow, a bargain right? WRONG! They took out all of last years releases and put in all of the old, late night free movies and shit from the 20's and 30's. I swear. Even the old television shows from then. I'm tired of watching all of the shows from the 80's. I'VE SEEN THEM ALL ALREADY NETFLIX!! You cheating sons-a-bitches! I'm going to drop my subscription soon if Blockbuster does better, or any other online movie supplying company does a better job. Because now, NETFLIX sucks. So fuck you NETFLIX unless you straighten your asses out (Get BOONDOCK SAINTS 3 or BITCHSLAP 2 and I'll keep you).
First: Ha ha ha, I've quoted you again! Second: Who the fuck is this? You think you can figure out the Hobo? I don't think so. Did you see Boondock Saints? I bet you didn't. Okay, it's the most violent show that I've ever seen, but remember, they're like the Blues Brothers....they're doing it for God. And on top of that, no innocents were hurt or injured in the making of the movie. But then you have insipid shows like LOST, that have no purpose in the entire show, NOT EVEN VIOLENCE!! What is wrong with this? Well, if you don't have bad guys, especially in black suits and hats, how are you supposed to recognize the good guys?
The good guys are not good anymore. They're gray. There aren't Sinners and Saints any more just Sinners being killed by pedophile priests. We can no longer stand or support tarnished heroes. That's what I'm saying. I've NEVER NOT condoned violence. Oh wait, that's a double-negative. I've NEVER said that violence was BAD on my blog. I happen to LIKE Horror and Violence on television and movies...FOR ADULTS! I don't like it at all for children. When I was a kid the only thing I could watch was HR PuffNStuff! Kids today can get into a PG-13 film and see shit that was R rated when I was a kid. Imagine that shit.
Did you read my post on
October 28, 2010: There is a Cosmic Lesson if You Listen, where I talk about one of the most Men hating movies that was so hyper-violent that I had a hard time watching it called
Bitch Slap! Sweetheart, don't let the tits fool you on this trailer. These bitches are the scariest three women you will ever see on the screen. I cringed through this movie and I loved it. Shit, made Boondock Saints look like...LOST. Yeah, I learned some mondo RESPECT on that movie.Trust me, I don't fuck around with Bitches any more! I got Bitch Slapped!
Yeah. And another thing, if you keep talking to me the way you are, I'm going to put you on my blog as an Un-happy Customer. You know, I think I will. What's your name?
Well, I'm going to go and try to watch yet ANOTHER episode of lost. It's like taking a daily dose of Cod Liver Oil. Uggh. But I'll give it the best chance worth trying.
Oh. I highly recommend those three movies I mentioned above. Find a wrathful God, then Get slapped by Bitches!
You'll thank me for it.
Hobobob
Alright. I don't get LOST.
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