I can't stay still. I can't rest.
My body refuses to slow down. Right now I'm on mIRC, dancing with my friends all over the place, and talking shit. Me, WORDMAN, FLAKESTER, Myz, Sno, Sunny, bEch, HELSBACK and Mary! We're all jamming with WOLFE and LATECALL. And I can't stay on. I start blogging when there's a pause, then adding photos to other blogposts, then scheduling blogs, while keeping up with a conversation and being miserable.
Yeah, I'm miserable. Today, I got up early and packed my schedule. From top to bottom, I wanted to overdo it today just to see how much I could get done. So I went and mailed off all of my publisher's queries, and other miscellaneous letters, went to my psychiatrist, got a new prescription, went to get a blood test, went to Dr. A, went food shopping, went to the library, went shopping for dishware, then came home and caught my food delivery. An old man started passing to me my bags of food into my home, and as I bent over to put them down, my back started to talk to me.
First it was whispering to me, but when I started picking up the heavy bags from the floor, it started talking to me. Loud! Soon, I was paralyzed with pain. I fell in bed and closed my eyes. I was out in seconds, until I rolled over in my sleep fifteen minutes later and it felt as it someone struck me in the back with a baseball bat. I screamed as if I was kicked in the balls. Motherfuckah!! I had tears of pain in my eyes. I laid there...for ten minutes...and then my ass had to MOVE. I got up and almost fell to my knees, but I had to do something than just lay around in pain. I washed dishes.
Can you imagine this? I don't even have time to stop for BEING IN FUCKING PAIN. Ten minutes is enough for that shit. I started blogging, writing, answering emails and finally getting on mIRC and jamming on a Friday night with my friends. But soon, that became boring and I had to get the fuck up out of there. Ten minutes. That's all anything gets. Now I'm going to read some books and ruminate about what I'm going to talk about on this blog next. I knew that I was going to talk about violence in the movies and television, but fuck that right now.
I'm in low grade pain. Do you know what that is? Pain where your balls throb. Ladies, I don't know if I can explain that feeling to you, but you guys know exactly what I mean. Yeah, I'm here, too tired for the pain. That's pretty interesting. Today, I spoke to Dr. G and she wants to up the ABILIFY again. She thinks it's working, but I'm not taking enough of it to do what she wants, which is to cut the manic period. I really don't like that idea, but I want the drug to do something...maybe cut the edge off a little. Just a little.
But right now, I'm not crying at all. I'm doing good just the way I'm am. I can't get enough of motion, and like I said. I'm so far ahead of everything that now I'm spending time doing things in anticipation of things. I've got nothing left that has to be done. Nothing. I even sprayed my entire apartment for bugs today. For no apparent reason other than....you guessed it. I ran out of shit to do. And now, it's after midnight, and my back has given up on causing me pain. Sonuvabitch.
That's one thing that I've learned about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. Everything negative in life...life itself, pain, motherfuckers, bitches, bills, wacky bosses, bullshit people, assholes, criminals, killers, conniving wives, cheating husbands.... anything, even computer problems, have no power over you if you don't have TIME for their BULLSHIT. Like my back-pain. I don't have time for that stupid assed bullshit. Leave me the fuck alone, and guess what? It did. It went away because it knew I was not going to stop and whine about it. I was just going to ignore it's ass and make it go away.
That's my new outlook. That's why I love my AADD! Nothing can seem to stop me now. Nothing. My enemies have fallen to their knees in defeat, they cannot stop me, they can only pray to contain me. I am like Godzilla, stomping upon a miniature Tokyo. I am like Muhammad Ali in the Ring. Iron Mike on a street corner ghetto. I am like Bobby Fischer on the chessboard, the Yankees playing baseball. I am dangerous, and in a matter of time I will prove it to everyone. It just takes time. And Time is all that is standing in my way now...and I don't have the time for Time's bullshit either.
Now....oh, look. An email from a guidance counselor at Westwood College. He's going to help me enroll for online classes this semester. I have to call him tomorrow. Now...I don't have time not to deal with college right now. I'm going back to school....and do you know why? Because I ran out of shit to do.
I ain't got time for the bullshit anymore.
Hobobob
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