With All of the Rewards in Your Pockets

It is cold in New York now.

The wind is brisk and chilly. Today, snowflakes fell. New York snow- flakes. Snowflakes with attitude (SWA).  I used to dread these days, exposed, out in the open, trembling from head to toe. I hated winter, and longed to be in the more southern climes. Now, I can watch the world through my window...over the air conditioner and x-ray vision through the brick wall five feet away. But here, in my little room, I finally have shelter from the storm. I finally feel like I am protected, safe. I can go to sleep without keeping one eye open.

I think of this as I head to another food pantry down the street and around the corner on 96th street. An old church, which they always are, loomed over me in the falling snow. Snow with attitude. Big assed snowflakes falling very few at a time. One here, one there. So independent that they wanted at least three feet of surrounding empty air between themselves so as not to share the spotlight of their arrival. Pretentious snowflakes. I get on the food line early and stand waiting with a crowd of people, chattering nonsensical glossolalia. I am silent, I am stoic. Fuck talking, fuck language. The line grows longer, and then it starts to move.

I get my credentials together, first a referral letter from my social worker, and my ID....my ID. I reach for the tether around my neck that holds my ID to my chest. It's gone. I look about. I look down, and shit if I don't see that damn wallet, in my mind's eye, still sitting on my table in my room. Fuckety, Fuck, Fuck! I leave the line as it proceeds to a descending stone staircase against the side of the church. The people in cue vanishing underground.

I race back home, and as I pass the office, Snow White jumps out. "Hobobob, just one minute!" I stop, I'm sorry, I got to go, Sno, or I'm going to be polishing my cabinets again tonight for dinner. "I forgot to fax your paperwork to the church! Hold on!" Yep, that's right. She didn't even send the fax, so that means I'm not on their list, referral letter or not. She comes running back handing me the list for the church. "I had just faxed it out, so here, give this to them if they don't have it." I wanted to tell her that if you don't get them this list EARLY, they do not set aside a bag of groceries for you. I shake my head and walk to the elevator. What's the use in going now?

I'd better get the taste of cabinet ready in my mouth. I ride up the elevator with the Super- intendent of the building who gets off on my floor, goes down my hall, meets a maintenance man at my door, and unlocks my home to let him in. Yeah, that's my house, I tell him. The Super looks over his shoulder at me. "Oh, I brought my guy here to work on your room." And you're going to just let him in like that? "Yes," and then he walks off. I get into my room, thinking of not eating tonight, watching the maintenance man work on my floor. I grow angry. I cop an attitude just like the falling snow outside. I can learn a thing or two from New York snow.

I stand, grab my wallet from my table and turn to the maintenance man. Yo dude, watch over my stuff while I'm gone. I'll be right back. He smiles, "Of course." I walk out, down the hall, ride the elevator, walk out of the building, and down the street, turning the corner to the church. I get on the line, now last, and watch all the people that were once behind me leave with bags of food. People are funny looking when they are walking slow towards a food pantry. They are so serious going in, as if they are going to be taken into custody. But they come out with groceries in arm and a big, shit eating grin on their faces. Calm down people.

I get downstairs and hand them my ID, referral paper and the faxed list that should have went out to them earlier this morning. A woman scans through a list, a young man stands there ready to hand me a clipboard to sign my name on it. The woman is still scanning the paper. "I don't think you're here," she says. I might not be, the social worker faxed out the list late. It's there in your hand. What Snow White does not know is that these people here in this church do not fuck around and they WILL tell you to go fuck yourself. I shake my head, Snow White is a blonde, so what did I expect? She's as adorable as a button, but this task was somehow beyond her.

"Hmmm," the woman says. "I have a hobo here, but not a bob" I look at the list and there is my name, in fucking black and white with one misspelled letter, actually they omitted one letter. So it looked like this: Hobobb (of course it was my 'real' name). It's right there, I reach in and put my finger on the name. The first name the last name...It's just missing one letter (you slapped ass). I wanted to take her by the back of her head and slam it down on the table like a basketball on a court. The woman is shocked. "Oh that's right! Here it is!" Cheese and Rice lady! Where did your dumb fucking ass go to school? I sign my name on the clipboard as 'Idiot hater', and took the bag of groceries. Don't worry. I didn't have to sign next to my name or anything like that, just a stupid ass list of names at random. They would never know who signed what.

I walked home, totally expecting the maintenance man to enjoy his new laptop when I got back, but surprisingly, everything was there where it should be. He bid me a humble farewell and then was gone. I sat down on my bed, shaking my head. I was sitting here just an hour and a half ago, thinking: how was I going to make it through the week without food. So many obstacles were in my way at the time that it seemed insurmountable that I would have this bag of groceries at my feet right now.

I could eat for the rest of the week. Just because I followed the snotty attitude of a falling snowflake with an attitude. You can learn a lot from the smallest, most insignificant things...if you open your mind to the possibilities.

I got up and made dinner.

Hobobb