Feeling Life's Differences

We said good bye to the Ice Cowboy today.

He was a poet who was going on a 30 day, 30 venue binge. He was planning to run around and visit the entire circuit in 30 days. A very genuine fellow, very personable. It was sad to see him go, but we didn't make a big deal out of it. We just said goodbye.

I woke up today with a bad taste in my mouth. What puts a bad taste in your mouth overnight? Do you stick your foot in your mouth? I must have stuck my foot in my mouth overnight, because that's what my mouth tastes like. I get online and check my email. Nothing. I get ready for the SHOUT OUT. I feel pretty good, a bit upbeat, must mean that the WELLBUTRIN is kicking in.

I hoist my backpack on, and grab my carry on bag, and I am gone. No problem on the trains. The Way gets me there like quicksilver. Upon arrival, once again, the establishment is closed and poets are outside waiting. Now you know me, I'm gun shy so I'm already worried that we'll have a repeat performance of last week. I'm searching for Cyndi Lauper to come up and make an appearance. I shoot the breeze with two poets until she arrives to my relief and I get everyone in and start the show.

Now, let me tell you something. Usually I'm freaking out ten ways to sundown just before going up on the stage. I mean, pieces are already starting to fall away on the inside, that's why, if I can afford it, I get a starter beer. A PBR, or Pabst Blue Ribbon. Cheap and effective. Long before the beer I was jovial and fearless, talking to the poets and interfacing a little better than normal. When it was time to jump into the pool I jumped up on the stage before I jumped up on the stage, and I went to the mike before I got to the mike. That's the only way that I can explain it. There was a time lag between doing and being, and in this comfortable space of time I could think before doing something stupid on the stage. I had instantly acquired the ability to think while standing.

It was a comfortable feeling, and I used it to funnel more of my personality through it to the audience. It felt good. I felt that I was relating to the people before me, even if my half of the show is more reserved than the second half. It's just the personality of the hosts. I'm more reserved where OBSIDIAN's is more active, livelier. That's alright, it doesn't bother me, but OBSIDIAN is putting out the hum that I might continue the SHOUT OUT on my own across the winter break, and I say...oh NO to that diseased kind of thinking.

Can you see an entire SHOUT OUT without the relief that OBSIDIAN's half of the show brings it? The audience would rather a root canal than to sit through TWO hours of me on the mic. Let's call spade a spade here, and I'm not upset over the obvious. I accept it gratefully. That's just the way life is. It's really no big deal. Really. With all this being said, I don't think it's right depriving the audience of the complete experience of the SHOUT OUT by subjecting them to my more mechanical half.

But today I was thinking on my feet. I felt very proud of myself, and if I can keep this up, hosting on Saturdays will probably not be such a remote idea as it stands now. I can only blame this new ability on the LUVOX. It's doing a wonderful job already! One month into taking it, just like it said, that it takes to build up in the bloodstream and then BAM, the benefits kick in. And this is indeed a benefit.

My physiatrist told me when she prescribed the medication that many entertainment professionals, actors, musicians, politicians, and other public speakers are already on it. Its a widely used drug for being so new. I'm hyper about it. I'm in very good company.

Afterward, we hung out with ICE COWBOY outside, in the front of the establishment and he pulled out a roscoe. Shitgawddamn. We proceeded to blow our brains out. I don't know how long it took us to walk up the block and say goodbye to him but it was an experience. We got to the Starbucks that we usually hang out in after the show and ate our fried chicken that we had previously bought when the munchies kicked in full force. A friend of OBSIDIAN's arrived to help him with his laptop. I would try, but I don't have the utilities anymore that I used to collect, and his friend had a bevy of good, solid hacker warez. They struggled with the problem, which is common in resolving these things some time, but they ran out of time and OBSIDIAN was left to solve the matter on his own.

I headed uptown finally to my room and crawled directly into bed. I was tired and it was now time for a break in my life. Sleep.

zzzzz

Hobobob