Equal and Opposite

Yep, these fucks really did it.

They cut off my benefits. Well, as they say in bureau- cratic speak, "We sent your case back to HRA," which means that they cut you off. It's a nice sanitary way of cheering: HA HA HA! WE FUCKED YOU!! That's the sole purpose of WECare, and that is to give you appointments to cancel your benefits. Who watches over this shit? Really?

Did they fuck up my good mood? Did they 'harsh' my joy? I'll be honest, yeah they did. They go to prove for every force in the world, there is an equal and opposite one. Feel very good, and something is coming close behind to make you feel very bad. And when you live a near destitute life, that shit is gospel. Yeah, I'm happy I had my joyous morning, because now I can have my grim afternoon and tomorrow. I say this because I have to head to the Brooklyn chapter of the HRA. Why Brooklyn? Who the fuck knows. Manhattan should have it's own.

Further, there are all kinds of consequences in store for me, known and unknown. First the known: My prescriptions will stop (again!), my visits to my therapists will cease, my public assistance will end. Unknown: The room. What will happen to my SRO if my services are cut? Will I get the boot like OBSIDIAN warned? Possibly. We'll see. I'm going to try to head them off at the pass tomorrow by going in and dealing with them. Go on the offensive. Attack. Go for the throat. Thank you caring WECare!

A bunch of cockshit if you ask me.

I got a notice pushed under my door by Snow White to come downstairs and see her.What the fuck for?? I had just left out for Duane Reade this morning to get my meds and she calls me from the hall to have me sign forms. Afterwards I have a question, and she turns all 'blonde' on me and wanders off. I look at her like she is out of her mind. What happened to coming to her for help? "Oh I don't know anything about F.E.G.S," she says in a faraway tone. I see. Off she strolls. Now she wants me to come back down. Does she have some information for me, or more shit? Probably more shit, like an apartment inspection or something.

Yeah, I'm rubbed raw now. I know you can tell. The ol' Hobo is back and bitching and cranking. Why do you think I am the way I am? Because basically, when you are at the low rung of the totem pole, life really sucks. Hell, I know what you're thinking now. Shit, MY life is no cake walk either buddy. Yeah, I agree with you. Your life might suck too...but then, minus everything you have, and your immediate family (wife, husband, children), your car and financial freedom, and then you know just how much worse this life sucks than yours. Be happy. It could be worse, bro, and bro-dette.

I have another poetry reading/ interview to do in Brooklyn. I think this might be my last, or at least I'm going to take a break. I checked on my magazine website yesterday, and they weren't up, so this can all be in vain. Here, let me check it again...

...Yep, still down. I'm going to send them an article this thursday and then, that's it. I'll wait until they get back in touch with me. Something must have gone wrong on their end and...well, who knows. That's another writing assignment down the tubes. I'm still struggling with trying to be a writer or something.

I now also realize that I lost a library book too. See how this shit just starts to pile up? I have no idea where I lost it, but it's gone, just like that. Now that's fucked up too. Yep, the cosmic forces knew that I was too high on life to let that shit last for long. Now everything is aligning up against me in the intractable heavens.

So now, not only is it a very real possibility that I may get kicked out of my little SRO, but also losing my library privileges. Now how do you like that? Well, I'm getting dramatic now. It's making me laugh. I'm not that far down in the dumps yet.

I head out and in passing by the office downstairs Snow White pipes up. "I have to do an apartment inspection when I can get the chance. Are you going upstairs now?" No I'm heading out right now. I schedule it for Thursday. Upon leaving the building I am confronted with falling snow and slick, icy sidewalks. I walk like an penguin down the block, my GOUT making every step torture. I need pain killers and COLCHICINE. Both back in the room. After two blocks, my Hobobrain kicks in. FUCK THIS SHIT.

Yeah, I turn back around. I'm working for a probably defunct online mag, I have a piping hot case of the GOUT, and the streets are as slippery as a shit. I waddle back up to The Spot and go in to see Snow White, covered with snow. I'm ready, I tell her. She jumps up and grabs her paperwork. Paula walks into the room and sees me with a big grin. "Hi Hobobob. How are you," she chimes. I'm fine, I"m ready to get an apartment inspection, I grumble. "OH, I'm going out to the Box!" Good for you, Paula. Good luck. "I know, I was thinking the same....."

Show White walks out of the office and I follow her without saying another word to that airhead, Paula. Here we go. Upstairs bro. Here's the fucked up thing. I didn't to the dishes this morning neither did I make my bed, and when you have a small room, this makes for a big faux pas. Fuck it, I'm tired of everything now. I let the little side winder into the room and she goes around with her paper checking the outlets and the water in the sink. Then we go to check one of the bathrooms that I use. Everything is good. Great.

She leaves me alone. I return to my room and vegitate. I'm glad to be home. I have a big day tomorrow. Yeah, I've been bitchslapped today, I know, that's what I get for being so fucking happy this morning. I asked you guys to try it....being happy I mean. Well, here's a little caveat to that: Be ready for the Bitch Slapping that will surely come your way. This life is too big for your meager attempts to make it better by smiling.

But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't grab two handfuls of happy every chance you get.

Hobobob