A Message From the Newsdesk at HBNN

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Hey you crazy assed people. Go somewhere and get all liquored up already!!! It's me! Your favorite lush, and newsreporter Eileen Ko Holle, drinking as usual. I was at a party two nights ago and woke up in a parking lot without my slacks and wearing an afro wig. I guess Brad and I drank a little too much that night. It took me five hours to find Brad sleep under a van selling porno CDs out the back doors. I bought a couple too while I was at it. But that's nothing. I got a call the next day from...guess who? The Administration at The Adventures of H and they tell me to bring my tight ass in and get to work at the newsdesk. Shit...like I was reading the news for the month of February when the hobo went on Zoloft and we were all issued pink fucking slips!

So I was going to report on all the shit that is happening in the Middle East, but I find it too confusing. Then I was going to report on the Oscars, but the movie that I wanted to win...'Run Bitch Run' was not even fucking nominated. What kind of shit is that? Then I was going to report on Yvette Feelmi's ass. I have to admit it to you. She parties hardier than I do. Compared to her fucking I look like a damn nun. I just get a little too drunk to screw, if you know what I mean. But I don't want to talk about her too much, she's a little high strung. Oh, and Professor Maul HAS A FAMILY!! Did you know that shit? He has a gaggle of little red faced kids that are strong in the Force. I was dating his oldest son but had to dump him. He kept trying to get me to play with his lightsaber.

Well, that's the local news here at The Adventures. I've got a party to go to that Yvette has been invited to. If she does anything crazy like stuff bannanas and cucumbers in her mouth or starts sucking corks out of wine bottles again, I'll let you know. So until I find more shit to punch you in the cock with, I'll just say good night.

Say goodnight, Brad.

Good....
*Burp* Whatevah.