.
The bus pulls in a half hour late.
Here's the problem. The last time that I took a bus into the city the bus driver had a conniption. He took one look at my ticket and said, "SHIT! Don't you people ever learn that I can't get you to your connecting bus in Norfolk in time?" What was that? I ask him. You can't get me out of Norfolk when I get there? Thankfully, that time he did.
This time, this son-of-a-bitch is a half hour late and I'm sweating bullets now. He's got to get to Virginia to get me to my connecting bus so that I can go home. The line moves forward, and the confederacy of dunces of the other line literally believes that they are going to cut me off. Oh, these losers have no idea that I'm a New Yorker and not from Stick-Yo-Finger-up-you-ass Virginia. I start skipping in front of the lot of them, until I get in a group of these heavyset Black women with luggage as big as they are. The lighter fatsos were ahead of me, and the biggest one, the one with an ass like a volkswagon beetle, swings her fat ass into me, knocking me the fuck aside.
I turn and was about to slug her, but her two vehicle sized ass cheeks were between me and her, and I was fearful that a mis-placed punch might cause my accelerated fist to go up her anus, and the momentum carry me forward and up into her asshole. Many men have died in such a fashion. No, I let super-sized ass skip me. I CAN'T GET BEHIND A FAT ASS!!! I hop the bus and sit my ass down and make myself comfortable, waiting for the bus to pull off. The instant that I do sit down does my back start to hurt. Low, at the waistline, at my right love handle. Then the pain travels around my belt-line then sliding down into my crotch and settling at my right testicle. MY RIGHT TESTICLE. Do you know how painful that shit is?
You want a toothache before you want testicular pain. I know it's nothing to do with the testicle itself, but instead 'sympathetic nerve endings' causing the pain to travel. Still, this shit made the bus trip a chore. A real pain in the side as I couldn't sit still for the entire ride. I wanted to get up and get out of the bus, but that was fantasy. I was certainly not going to do anything like leave the bus for all the tea in China.
I'm just screwed to deal with the next ten hours, suffering and waiting for this bus to get to Norfolk Va as if it's ass was on fire, or being loved by convicts. Either or. The bus finally fills and pulls back, out of the parking space and turns on the roadway inside the port authority. It travels around the inside of the building until it reaches the bus exit and bursts upon the New York night. A night overwhelmed by the falling rain.
I'm thinking to myself that the rain will also contribute in slowing me the fuck up, so what the Hell am I to do about that shit? Cry? If my connecting bus leaves me in Norfolk, what the hell am I supposed to do about that? Huh? Give up and go home. Or sleep overnight in the bus depot waiting for the next bus to arrive and take me away. That would be great. Delayed a day to sit on hard chairs and wait until I grow old and expire.
The bus roars down the highway, moving quickly on through the Lincoln Tunnel and racing towards the New Jersey turnpike. I'm just going to have to be patient and calm as my time withers away. That damn bus is scheduled to leave around 5:30. This bus is supposed to get there at five. Cutting it close, arent I?
I wait on pins and needles, and knives twisting in the back, next to the spine.
Oh, and yeah...the right testicle.
Hobobob
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