Well, I'm going to modify my blog a little now.
I've put the most hit post this week up on the top there. And It still seems to be Assfinger. People just love those fingers up their asses. I don't blame them though. I mean, not that I stick my finger up my ass, but I have been known to stick my finger up the asses of others. Personally, I think women, and some men don't mind a finger up their assholes every once in a while. Hey, but that's life, which brings me to a story about things up people's asses. I'll just regale you with this one, and then I'll tell you about my day, since they're having the Thanksgiving banquet downstairs in another hour so and I have time to kill. Also, I would like to outline the superiority of being on Abilify, even if it can cause instant, sudden death.
Firstly, there was a guy that worked with a guy, that knew a guy that I knew, which means, I'm not going to tell you which of my close friends it happened to, but he met this real hot woman who was like a banshee in bed and would dress when they went out like she was allergic to fabric. This motherfucker was so hot that he needed to wear a thermal suit, you know, those obnoxious silver ones with the cowl head that you wear when you walk through fires. He was the envy of everyone he knew. She was not only hot, built like a brick shithouse, but smart as a tack. A woman's woman. This chick could do the square root of your shoe size and measure it against the cavity of your cranium to ascertain if you were close to being a down syndrome baby or not. The chick was BAAAAAD on many levels.
Well, one night, after doing the love wrestle with her, she rolls off him, reaches over, and instead of coming back with a cigarette from the night stand, like she always did, she returns with a dildo. Yep, a fucking seven inch prong of semi-rubbery joy. He squinted at it at first, puzzled as to why she would need to use a plastic dick after he gave her a real one for so long, until he realized that there were straps coming from the back of it. She hopped up, onto her knees in the middle of the bed and strapped that shit onto her waist, giving herself a bigger erection between her legs than he had between his.
"C'mon baby, let's try it just once," she cooed. "Try what...the fuck?" He gasped, eyes wide as a gay asshole. "Be a 'Bend-over-boyfriend'," she said, taking the dick between her legs and wagging it like a ruler. "C'mon, give it a try." He sat up against the headboard, gathered the sheets against his chest and shook his head. The thought of a plastic penis making headway into a place that he only thought of when he went to the bathroom was repellent to him. "Baby, take that shit off and come to bed. I'm not doing that." "C'mon," she whined. He laid down, throwing the covers over his head, but would not turn over onto his stomach to go to sleep. Soon, the lights went out, and she gave up.
This went on and on after every time they made love, with her finally threatening to leave him if SHE couldn't have a 'piece of ass', literally. That's when he came to us, his best friends, for advice. We were all drinking at the time so the story was amazing to the drunken mind, and of course one so embarrassing that we wondered why he would tell it in the first place. We knew what we were going to advise him though in an instant. Now ladies, I'll tell you how men think, and since I don't know about how groups of women-friends do in the same situation, I'm just going to tell you to beware of the counsel of your peers. All of us friends thought the same thing. What would it be like if he really did take it up the ass? How would he feel? Would he tell us if he did? Would he have the balls to go into detail? Would he have to use lube? Wow. So many questions about having your own girlfriend fuck you in the ass that we had to tell him that he needed to turn his hind-parts up to her and let her drill away.
He took a drink, looked at us soberly, honestly believing that we were giving him advice that we would take ourselves, and said flatly that the next time she asked, he would let her do it. We smiled. We couldn't wait for the report of his ass fucking. Sometime during the next week, she asked and he agreed. This little mama-tampa, took that strap-on and put it in front of her Va-J-J and turned him around. A little Vaseline on the head of her false dick and in it went. As he described it, it was like a pressure, like you would feel when you took a shit and then up the length of his shitter it went. After that, he described it, but we couldn't understand a fucking word that he was saying. To lay it down flat, the boy got ass-fucked by his girl until the fucking strapon beating against her clit made her cum. Did he cum? I don't remember him saying he did.
Well, he rode a bronco that night, and she slept fitfully next to him. In the morning he awoke to find her packing. He sat up, "Baby, are you going somewhere?" She stopped and looked at him mournfully. She began to explain to him that she only dated men to 'break them in'. If they would not let her ass-fuck them in a reasonable amount of time, she deemed them too much a man to cave in and would leave them anyway. But if she was triumphant and fucked a man in the ass, that was enough for her. It was time for her to move on to her next asshole. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, and left him that day for her girlfriend's apartment. He called her the rest of the week, begging her to come back, promising her his ass, but it was not enough to have her change her routine.
He told us this story with a mixture of anger and pain, and we ate it up. We had a ton of questions, not about his turmoil but how could he bend his ass up to a woman with a dildo between her legs. That meant he would do it in front of a man too. Maybe he was a closet homosexual. We tormented him worse than she did. Aww, c'mon. That's what friends are for. We know he wasn't gay because he was assfucked by a woman and not a guy. Basically, you can let a woman do anything she wants to you, as long as it's a woman, you are not gay. If a guy gives you a blowjob, then you have to give that serious thought.
But if we didn't drag him over the coals, someone NOT his friend would, which would fuck him up in the future. Love between men is different than that of women. Don't try to understand it ladies, it is what it is. My father loved me, but when I fell off my bike and slammed the side of my body on the concrete at five miles an hour, he walked up to me, pulled me up onto my feet, smacked me against my ass and said, "Walk it off son, just walk it off." Now that's love.
Well, what can I say about putting your finger up someone's ass. Well, I had a woman try to do that to me once, and I jumped seven feet off the bed and out the door. If I feel anything around my anus, even my OWN finger, I'm in motion. Shit, I wipe my ass with toilet tissue using the back of my fucking palm, just in CASE it might feel like a finger against my asshole. But hey, that's my asshole story for today. I just thought about it because my heaviest hit post has something to do with fingers and assholes. Let's see if this post surpasses that one. But believe me, this IS a true story. Like I said, I'm NOT original, I just report what I see and hear.
Now let's talk about Abilify. Shit that shit is the fucking shit. I'm on a low dosage of that rocket fuel and it's got me pissing in bottles again. I mean, I'm hyper-everything now. I'm on full alert in my head, eyes like searchlights, heart like a hummingbird's wings, ears like a basset hound, dick as hard as a hammer. I'm alive once more. Alive and kicking like a one legged man in a one legged man potato sack run, with one leg tied behind his back. I'm busy man. I've rewritten six episodes of my screenplay, I've written a short story for a friend of mine, and writing another. I've got a therapist for my 9/11 issues, I'm batting with so much of the Bureaucracy that they're feeling the pain for a change. I'm outdoors a little more now...not much, but I'm not spending much of my time stretched out across my bed, watching the world go by. I'm active again, although the time warps are growing in frequency, I fucking welcome them.
They give me energy. Do you know what it's like to sleep for only fifteen minutes and feel that you've slept all day long? I mean, it's incredible. You sleep for only fifteen minutes and you wake up clear and alert, and work all night long until you fall out. And that's how you go to sleep, the real way. You pass the fuck out. No longer are you tormented by false starts, laying around in your bed, staring at the ceiling...TIRED for hours on end. It makes you want to put a gun in your mouth. No, now, I get up from my desk, turn around and fall to my knees on the floor, my face hitting the mattress, my lights going out. As if someone turned off a switch. Shit, I can fall asleep in the chair...FOR FIFTEEN, TWENTY MINUTES, and then it's business as usual.
You can't beat that shit. You just can't. I don't think I missed a day of this blog...oh you may have thought so, because I write constantly, but I don't post constantly, which means I have a backlog of posts just waiting for me to add photos and typeset. That's alright. You'll get my posts in a timely manner now. Trust me, I can't stop. I can't even waste time watching television any longer. I want to be part of the process suddenly, part of the contributing world and not a whining, sniveling, bump on a log. Decrying my lot in life. It's time to pile up the dead bodies beneath my feet and rise up and fight like fury. Kick the world's ass. Shit, I've been so full bore that I went on IRC last night and chummed it up with all of my old friends. They vaguely remembered me because it was two years ago that I said anything to them, but I was on last night, bullshitting away. I love that.
My closest friend though, Drty was no longer there. They said that his computer was hit by lightning and fried. He's not been on for five months since then. That was sad. But so many more were on and jamming. So much fun, so many voices, so many people. Now they left the '#40hotadults' chatroom to go to '#40jukebox'. Just to let my readers know that if you know how to get there, you can meet me and my online crew. Oh, and another thing, I've finished ANOTHER book. You can see it on the right. It's not poetry but Haiku filled with pictures of my time being homeless in the streets and it's full color, on glossy expensive paper, big assed table book, hardcover with a fucking jacket and all. You'll love it if you like to read my drivel. It's a photo book though so it's different than my poetry books. Next though, I have the material for two more books of poetry which I will be working on right away because this Abilify is kicking my ass raw!!!! And yeah smart asses, that's MY photo on the cover. This was my apartment for nearly a year behind those columns. There's no place like home, right?
I'll save my Thanks- giving post for another day. Right now, I think I've chattered enough. My teeth are starting to hurt. Ouch!Or maybe, more accurately, my fingertips.
Hobobob
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