Calm the Fuck Down

"Hobobob, you are such a fucking liar. I recently read your blog and you said that all web photo searches sooner or later will lead to a blowjob. Well, I put the word BLOWJOB as a search term and got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Everything on God's Green Earth BUT a woman with a cock in her mouth. You are such a liar!"

Alright, look people, thank you for all of the emails that I have getting from some of my readers. One reader sent me an Instant Messenger that said: "well, everyone (guys mostly?)love FREE porn." This was a woman admittedly. Hey, I don't know the male/female demographic of my readers, but I'm pretty certain that many women do follow this blog. Let's be honest. I put women and their shit under the spotlight at times...but I do the same shit to men! I know that there are men out there that cringe and skip my writing when I blog about us, and don't send me fan mail. I know the other gender does the same. Even the fucking tourists and the homeless that I blast on, skip those posts.

But, like I said, it's NOT that I'm saying anything outrageous. I'm not that fucking original. There is nothing new or smart or intellectual that comes outta my head. I'm just repeating what I've heard from others, men and women. They whisper it...I publish it. I'm being honest, and honesty, and jet black humor is the way of the future. It's the way we can deal with things as a country and as a world. Because otherwise, we'll cry like babies every morning that we get up. I'm serious. There is enough misery around all of us to fill up our plates. I'm bitchin' and moanin' about the homeless and their situation in this Great Nation, but Hell if the Middle Class isn't now feeling screwed. They probably want to write me and say: "Fuck you, Hobobob. You want me to feel bad about you? I have a fucking family, a wife, children and a home, and I'll probably be laid off tomorrow (or am already) and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. So take your homeless shit and shove it up your ass. When I move my family in the box next to yours, I'll kick your useless ass!"

Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting here behind my keyboard thinking that I'm on some moral high-ground because I bitch like some Mormon with a mouthful of cum. I'm just pointing to the injustices that I SEE, and scream. Trust me, just because I say women suck dick and men cry about the length of their dicks, and that tourists are all assholes, I'm not trying to be inflammatory. I'm just saying what we all know. These things are the TRUTH.

I can see if I'm being sickeningly outrageous like Don Imus and Howard Stern started to get to get an audience (easy people...I'm not shitting on them here either. Just stating a fact. Check your current events). I'm not here praising the joy of butchering people for lunch, or 101 ways to become a better pedophile. That's as fucking sick as sticking your hand up your own ass. No. I'm not doing anything of the sort. But I am saying that we ALL talk about shit that we would never mention in mixed company. Like when guys get together and talk about a buddy's wife and how much fun it would be to find out how deep her anus might be. Now, I've been in a conversation like that among friends, so don't ever believe that I won't talk about it here sooner or later.

So all you uptight readers: Men and women alike, take a chill pill. You women, take a comfortable cock in your asses and slip into some serious rest. You men, stick your faces into some relaxing, tasty, juicy pussy and calm down. You see, this is actually the answer to world peace. Seriously. Think about it. If we let our government leaders have an hour to do the above just before going into a session of the United Nations, trust me, there will be a lot less wars on this planet. Calm the fuck down everyone. Times are a bitch for us all. Man, woman and child. None of us are unique here.

Now, for all those people out there that rushed to their Yahoo or Google photo search engines and keyed in some word that after the search resolution did not bring up the vital photo of a woman with a male erection in her head...don't bitch at me. I just stated what I experienced in a limited fashion. Of course I did not put EVERY fucking word in a search so as to make such a concrete claim. Let me ask you...when it comes to science, what is the difference between a theory and a law? Like the Theory of Relativity, or the Law of Gravity? Give up? A theory is a statement that should be put under the scrutiny of others so as to prove its validity. A Law is a statement that occurs 100% of the time, and has never been disproved.

I didn't publish a Law, I published a Theory. So you diligent ones out there that tested what I said..well you get the patented Hobo Seal of Approval. The rest of you, don't feel bad. Don't tell the others, but this is not a scientific blog...there is nothing to prove here. Now, back to some serious discussion. World fucking peace. Oh, not just World Peace...you'll get the point in a second. World Fucking Peace. This is what I would promote if I ever became the president of the General Assembly of the United Nations. I would hand out to the delegates, male and female, a menu of handsome and sexy men and women to fuck silly for two hours before the session begins. Let 'em take it whichever the way they want and then lets discuss world issues.

Oh, you really think I'm being ridiculous now? Let's say that North Korea wants to invade South Korea secretly. And Kim Jong-il comes to bullshit his way through some useless collateral issues, as a smokescreen. Two hours before he gets in front of the General Assembly he gets a menu of very beautiful women...so c'mon, he's a guy. He's going to want to fuck. And on top of that, he finds that there is a South Korean candybar that's on the menu. Fucking irresistible. Ol' Kim is actually thinking with smile: "Oh man. Not only will I fuck South Korea, I will also fuck the shit out of a South Korean!" And like pussy does...in it's own invariable way, clamps down like a fucking hammer to anvil, it's the best piece of ass he's had in a while. NOT because it really is a tremendous piece of ass. Because, honestly, all pussy is the same. You can't even tell good pussy from your hand.

But, because there is so much EMOTIONAL context to the coupling, the fuck will cook his brains like Hannibal Lecter having dinner. THEN let his sorry ass walk out in front of the General Assembly talking shit about South Korea and thinking he will invade it. Trust me on a stack of bibles...every NEGATIVE comment that this motherfucker will even THINK of, will SMACK an image of him being BALLS DEEP in this South Korean woman in his pea fucking brain. The greatest fear of any man is that something hot as a woman will be slaughtered. Go hunting if you think I'm shitting you. The best catch among hunters is not a doe... the female, BUT the Buck, the male. To hunt the female is to wipe out the species. They are more precious than the male. Further, any hunter will tell you that to kill a PREGNANT doe is not a clap on the back, even if you ARE hungry.

Back to fucking world peace. The problem with this fucking planet is that we made FUCKING taboo. Every fucking nation that I can think of...maybe with the exception of Japan, has made fucking disappear. You, I, he, she....we DO NOT FUCK. Our parents never fucked. Our children DON'T fuck. Nobody is fucking on this planet. Watch TV. Only recently have we been watching something close to sex...not really sex...but close to it. Damn close. Before, go back sixty years and you have only people alluding to sex. Never will you see it. Remember the childish simplicity of PEYTON PLACE? An outrageous television series in its time. In 1964 the most startling and edgy topics were the DISCUSSION of pregnancy outside of marriage and the allusion of infidelity.

But, check this shit out. After the 70s there was murder, not depicted, and the allusion to rape. Time passed in movies and television of the bloody death of human beings and still the allusion of rape to excess. Have you ever seen Friday the 13th, Halloween or Night of the Living Dead? We're talking about the wholesale DEATH of other human beings as if that is something even watchable. As if that is something that we would even TOLERATE. And tolerated it was.

And then Deep Throat came out, and America went into a MOTHER- FUCKING CON- NIPTION. Prosecuting the actors, fighting left against right. Police, national guardsmen, boycotts, riots, the judicial system...all for what? Because Linda Lovelace could put an eight inch cock completely into her mouth, down to the balls. Now let me ask you. Let's put a horrible instance before you. I'm not condoning it, but lets give you the lesser to two EVILS. The bloody massacre of teens, one by one at a summer camp, or a woman sucking a dick. What would you think would be the most horrible image that you would present in front of the adult American public?

Choose one. We'd rather see people murdered and splattered on a daily basis on television than two people fucking.... GRAPH- ICALLY. Someone said to me...."Hobobob, we have them both." That's bullshit. I've seen many more bullets ripping into people than dicks into women on television. Hands down. What am I really trying to say here.

World peace can only come with the acceptance that the world fucks and that everything spins around the pivot point of women. Because once we men can admit to that, we admit to the equal importance of children. WE don't want to see dead women and children now do we? Men...we can deal with.

Okay, I'm going to stop now. But remember. If you're mad at your boss, your job, your country. Go home and fuck your girl. You women, do the same with your man. AND CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Trust me....the world will become a better place.

Find peace everyone. The rest of the problems ARE coming.

Hb