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I got a message from Ivan today.
He asked for me to go downstairs and stay in his apartment from 11:00am to 5:00pm to wait for the cable guy to come by and install his cable. He was going to be out of his home from that time to go somewhere and he wanted to know if I would babysit his appointment. Now let me ask you...do you know what kind of fucking personality I am? Do you really? I have SOCIAL ANXIETY, and if Ivan listened to me for longer than a minute, he would realize that.
But no, this guy ALWAYS has to learn the hard way. By my either ignoring him or telling him NO. Will it ever sink in? Not that I know of. This message I ignored. Better to say nothing and get nowhere, than to say something and still get nowhere. But wait! There's More! Next, he leaves a message that he and his girlfriend, who he talks to online, are bored. They want something to do, so he wants to come up to my room for a visit.
Consider the last time he came up with a laptop problem, and he asked me to fix it. It was going to take a while so I said he could stay in my room while I took care of it. It would keep him from constantly ringing my doorbell to see where I was on the repair. Well, to make a long story short, he was on his Iphone with his girlfriend in a video conference. I instructed him, that if he wanted to stay, don't bother me and go over to the corner of the room, sit on the bed and talk to his girlfriend. No, instead, he had to jump up and start dancing, then getting me to dance, then show his girl how fat I am for a nice guy. Prance about my room, and make an asinine idiot out of himself and me for his girlfriend's amusement. Now let me ask you. Do you actually believe you are going to sup from the milk of my human kindness to put me through that again?
Okay, where does it say: THE TOY, on my forehead? If you and your girlfriend are bored, masturbate! Watch each other get each other off on Skype for all I fucking care. Not that I'm heartless, no, I'm not, but I don't enjoy people in my space, taking up my precious time just because they are bored. Guess what? When I'm bored, I don't bother you. Try to do the same for me.
I tried to explain to him many times. I'm not that kind of friend. I'm a helluvah nice guy. Everyone says that, and that's because I don't demand shit from people. I don't irritate people because I don't want to be irritated. I'm quiet and a good listener, so I tend to draw people who have a lot on their chest that they want to get off. However what they don't realize is that they are taxing to the soul. That's why I tend to limit my association. I am a social pariah. I'm the first to say it.
I know I ain't no damn good, and I tell Ivan this. I'm a mess of a friend. I don't call, I don't keep in touch, I don't visit, I don't answer the door, I barely talk to people on IM or emails, I won't write you letters or leave notes on your door. I keep to myself. I rarely go out to enjoy myself. It's called social anxiety. I can take people but in small doses, that have to get smaller and smaller the longer I stay away from them.
Then, I go out and do my obligatory shopping. I head to the store and head back. To cut my time down to as few minutes as possible, I shop for only 20 bucks of stuff. This means quick in and quick out. I'm zooming because I don't want to be in there too long. Especially during the day. When I go late at night or in the morning between the hours of Midnight and 2am, I take my time and shop a little longer. No need to rush because there are like three people in the whole damn store. I'm damned glad that they stay open all night long.
But now I'm digressing. I'm heading back during the day from my quickie shopping and I see Paula and one of her crows in the hallway. They see me heading for the elevator and I hate that, because it means that I'm upstairs. No sooner do I get inside and get comfortable do I hear them squawking in front of my door, which is in front off Paula's door. Then someone knocks. Then knocks again. Now I know they can hear my computer playing music, and probably hear me typing inside. They've seen me go upstairs on the elevator, and they can block all the exits so that I can't get down around them, so they know I'm home.
Well, here is where it gets interesting. I look at the door, and then go back to typing. Here's my logic. You know that I'm in here, but I'm not going to answer the door to you, so what should that tell you? Well, I can spell it out for you...GET LOST. Or the other one, GET THE FUCK OFFA MY DOOR. Which ever one works for them. I don't have to say it, just don't answer it and leave it at that. I hear them talking outside but I ain't opening the door. And I'll tell you why. Every time that I do, they always want something.
And it's always something of a technical nature. Never to say hi. Never to hand me money or just checking to see if I died in my room or not, or needed something. Never. Always to ask me to check on their this or that. That last time Paula wanted me to hook her Playstation 3 up to the Internet. Get the fuck out of here. What do I look like? Free technical support? And I do mean free, because once you spend a half hour solving their problems, you get a big grin and the door. Take care and get lost. We'll knock later when we need something else
Like I said. It's not because I dislike people. I'm a social pariah. I don't mean people bad, I just don't deal with them. I wouldn't be surprised if I don't end up like the UNIBOMBER, up in some fucking shack in the woods, with a hole in the ground for a toilet and a wooden box for a television. Do you think I'd really care?
Nope. I'll just go off into the fucking sunset.
Hobobob
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