Drink to Your Health

I talk to myself you know.

No, I really do. I'm not shitting you. I got up this morning and rolled out of my bed, blinking. I usually snap awake. I rose, and went to the sink, and upon turning, passing my desk, my naked little toe struck the leg of the wooden chair before it. The pain was instantly unbearable and I cursed at the chair, hopping about on one leg. Well, that started it. After talking to the chair, I began muttering insults to it over the sink. I made coffee and bitched to my French Press Coffee maker and then the conversations began.

I started a deep explanation of what I was going to accomplish in the coming week. Then I argued with myself about what I was going to accomplish. Another version of me explained how past actions affect future decisions. Another Hobobob went back to the bed and turned on the laptop, bitching that it had better boot up and not give me any shit. Before I knew it there were at least eight Hobobob's in the room with me, arguing, explaining, admonishing. I shit you not. This rampant and out of control conversation lasted ALL DAY LONG!

What do I need the outside world for? I have an entire city right in my room. They all look like me, but so what? I listened to the radio, tried to watch Hulu and some television but once again, my laptop kept crashing. Just a few more days and I'll finish ordering the parts that I'll need to repair her, and then all will be good with my baby. I started working on my blog again, and this time, I had already finished my text and was searching for photographs on the web. That's how I do. I search in search engines, find a photo, cut and paste it here, hoping that it visually describes what I'm cranking on about.

Today though, I have to say, I noticed something that I haven't noticed in the many years that I have been scouring the Internet for photos. When you go to Yahoo or Google image search and key in ANY word...ANY WORD, you'll get about a hundred photos that relate to that word. Alright, I understand that, but you can always set the search parameters to shut down the child safety filters. Google calls it 'Safe Search'. It means that adult images pop up in relation to your search if it applies. Now I used the phrase ANY WORD above, right? Okay, now if you have Safe Search off and put in any word in the search field...let's just say 'Kindergarten', and press search, you'll get scads of photos of kids and schools and shit.

Okay, but you really want to scour the Internet for pictures, like I do, so you go through each and every photo in the search results, and I can assure you. NO. I can guarantee you, that a photo of a woman will pop up with a cock in her mouth. Try it. Key in the word 'honesty' and scan through all of the photos and there you'll have it. Sooner or later, there will be a woman, with her mouth making the big O and a length of man-meat protruding from it. OR posing in a head shot with her cheek against a vein crossed erection. What's up with that? I can understand wanting to be quite proud of a job that you've accomplished, even if you performed it with your head and your mouth, but really? These women are posing with a length of man meat next to their faces as if this distended member had a face and it was a close relative or friend or a goddamned trophy or something. "Hey, look here! This is me and dick in Las Vegas last summer!" Can you see these pictures in her photo album? Every guy she puts in her mouth, she has a picture of herself next to his cock. "See? This is Dave. He was a great guy I met on a line in Starbucks. In less than an hour I was smoking his pole. Gee, isn't he long?" Wow, what memories.

Okay, I frowned at this. What the Hell is the Internet trying to say to us? What is the message here, because no matter how random our world is, no matter how mean- ingless, there is meaning in everything, especially women polishing a man's little head with her tongue. Hey Hobobob, you complain. You are always commenting about women exercising their God given right to put a penis in their mouths. What's it to you? No, I'm not knocking a decent blowjob that ends with her gulping down a mouthful of your lovin'. I'm a red blooded American male, and like anybody else I enjoy baseball, hotdogs, apple pie, and stuffing my life-long-member down some woman's pie-hole anytime. I'm just saying, 'what is the message that the Internet is telling us about every thing we can think of, from cars to emotions to fine dining somehow, somewhere is connected to a woman with her lips wrapped around a dick?'

Doesn't this bother you? Okay, think about it. Say Albert Einstein and other scientists was and are actively searching for the Grand Unification Theory, where all the laws of the universe and the micro-verse meet. Once they find the answer to this quandary they believe that they will have an answer the the entire reason for the act of Creation or the physical universe. Well, have no fear. Hobobob has actually solved the problem. Type 'Grand Unification Theory' in a photo search engine and scroll through the photos and sooner or later, you'll come across a swollen pole down an attractive woman's throat. There you have it then, the ultimate answer to all the questions ever posed by mankind.

What's on the other side of the singularity in a black hole? A woman sucking on a length of man-shaft. What is the answer to Pi? 3.14159265-blowjob. How far can a dog run into the woods? Only halfway, after that he will be running out of the woods to bark at a couple against a tree, the woman inhaling the man's cream filled ding dong. Hell, if you think about it, could the entire universe spin on the axis of a string of stars that make out the shape of a woman performing fellatio? I wonder.

Further, where in the fuck are all these images coming from? Is there some factory out there cranking out these photos? None of them are the same. Each and every one is different. Shit, most likely every woman on the planet is on the Internet taking care of dick business. Your wife, your sister, your mother, your daughters, your female boss, your secretary, teenagers, grandma and I will bet you bullets to dollars that NONE of them have YOUR dick between their teeth! Fuck, Black, White, fat, thin, ugly, gorgeous, tall, short...you name it, they're all on the Internet...pounding dick into the hole in their faces. Millions of photos of women doing a myriad times something that they swear they have never done before meeting you.

OKAY LADIES, I know you read my blog, but honestly, this is your stop. The Hobobob Express is about to go OFF THE RAILS! If you stay in your seats, realize, you have been warned.

Now I'm serious. I used to believe at one time that when you asked a woman for a blowjob, you were asking a hardship on her. I mean, I felt that it was the most appalling thing to a woman to put a man's sexual appendage in their mouths and suck on it. Shit, it is for a man! That is probably the very last thing in life that I would want to do. Probably never. So, when having sex and crawling up her body to slip my mickey between her lips, I at one time really had a twinge of regret and remorse. And if she did a great job, what would she get out of it? A mouthful of mawkish spunk? Then you have to suffer one of the many responses that occur to women once they realize that their cheeks are swollen with a substance other than spit.

Like sheer Anger, because you agreed to tell her when you were about to cum and forgot, pumping a stream of dick chowder into her mouth; Shock, because she mistakenly half swallowed some; Alarm, because if she doesn't get to the bathroom soon to spit it out, she'll accidentally swallow it; Distress, because the ejaculation was so forceful that it shot down her windpipe, causing her to gag, choke and cough; Embarrassment, because the instant you came, she swallowed it reflexively and now feels ashamed that you think she's more than familiar with putting dick in her mouth; Disgust, turning her head with a distasteful frown after your ejaculation and spitting the semen on the floor; Suffering, realizing that she has a mouthful of something the consistency of nasal snot, and worried that you will not contact her again if she doesn't perform. So, with a level of struggle, she swallows as if swallowing a handball, her eyes bulging, her head swooning, a hand rushing to her pursed lips as she belts down the dose of sperm; Nausea, when she turns green upon believing that she can't hold the stomach full of cock snot down and begins to dry heave; Panic, when the thick sperm spills from her mouth, over her lower lip and down her chin, whereupon her hand races up to her mouth to keep it from pouring down to the floor-ruining her genteel womanly deportment; Bitterness, frowning severely as they swallow; and a host of other outcomes once you blow your load in her mouth. How are you supposed to feel good about her giving you head after any of these outcomes?

But lately, there is a prevalence of another response from women. Some blink, swallow and then grin. And the really scary ones (and incidentally the most desirable ones) proceed to lick their hand, lips and your penis clean as if your love paste was catnup. There are some women out there that actually enjoy swallowing cum and will do it faster than drinking Hawaiian Punch. And then I realized that a woman will go down on a man at any provocation. You buy her enough drinks and good conversation at a bar, she'll effortlessly smoke you to reward you for a pleasant evening. You take her out on a date and you treat her half decently (sometimes not even that much), she'll swallow you just to get you to take her out again. You meet her at a dinner party and you make her laugh, finding out that she's bored with the rest of the men around her, and she'll lead you by the hand to a closet, and blow on your meat whistle just to put some excitement and adventure into an otherwise drab night. She'll barge into your apartment uninvited, take off your pants, and bob her head on your member just because she had a bitter fight with her boyfriend a minute ago.

She'll gobble you anywhere, numerous times, gargling with your cum and then go home and tongue kiss her husband just to get back at him for infidelity...or forgetting her birthday. She'll suck you blind on a dare from her friends at the corner dive bar just to prove to them that she isn't uptight. She'll do you if she happens to be in a waiting room, and just bored and want to chew on something to make time pass. If she's a teenager, she'll treat your cock like a lollipop just to break her oral virginity, and don't be so retarded to think they wont try to break such a barrier BEFORE they turn sixteen. Check ID's. If she hasn't done it in awhile she'll inhale you and swallow cum happily, and surprisingly enough, even if you ask her. So therefore, abandon all of your sad, antiquated notions of yourself, all women, your dick, and their oral orifices. Women LOVE shoving hard, erect, throbbing male tube steak down their throats and ingesting quart after quart of cum...it's a lifelong goal for them, good, bad of indifferent. And now, when they find out that it's good for them, you won't be able to beat them off your soft six inch ruler with a nail studded bat.

But guys. Realize that you can't be all wishy washy when you ask for head from a woman. Be direct, firm and confident, or she won't respond. It would be tantamount to saying nothing to her if you do anything less. You mumble, you lose. And if she asks you to repeat yourself and then you come at her firmly...too late. You blew your chance. She'll frown and tell you to get lost, suck your own dick. This kind of behavior is simply because she likes to either initiate or be compelled, and nothing else. Sometimes you don't even have to ask. Just take her by the back of the head, and bring her down low. But what am I trying to say here? When a woman first puts a cock in her mouth, the oral hymen is forever broken. She'll stuff her face with pole, using both hands, with a manic passion for the rest of her life. Believe me, this is absolutely NO hardship for them.

Yep, that goes for millions upon millions of women. The conse- quences then are literally mind- boggling. Women massively outnumber men! Can our frail gender keep up with the voracious demand of womankind? That means that EVERY woman on the planet (and some men) will eventually demand that a hard-on rest on their tongue. Here, let me research this on the Internet. In 2010 the entire female population of the world is estimated to be 3,428,196. Holy shit! That means that there are 3,428,196 blowjobs occurring daily! Hold on. I wonder if I can find a statistic on the Internet covering the average number of cock slobs a woman performs in her lifetime? From sophomore year in High School to the grave.

HOLY SHIT! It gets even worse! (or maybe much better). Searching for the answer to the question above I came across this article at CNN.com: "Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of Breast Cancer in women." What in the world? I don't believe this shit. That means that my worldwide figure for fellatio is way off if women are really practicing this. The article says: "Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one or two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University found." Swallowing semen on a regular basis has a beneficial effect on women? I KNEW it. Using the penis as a human straw to the contents of the testicles...well, milk IS a natural. I guess women worldwide figured this shit out a long time ago. That's why I thank God for women every night. Not only did he make them able to GIVE head, he made them to also NEED head...and swallow! Aren't you glad you're a man now?

"Only with regular occurrence will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Helena Shifteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances." Hot damn! Can you see the prescription from your family doctor? Written on a prescription pad? "Swallow semen twice daily." Hell, I LOVE this doctor. Not only is she urging women worldwide to suck on a knob, she's telling them that it's not only good TO you, it's good FOR you. Can you see it as part of their daily diet? Breakfast every morning: Bacon, egg, toast and a tablespoon of cum.

The article continues, "Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio (YAY), but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers." There you have it. The Grand Unification Theory in your face! Fellatio, in mass quantities for women. The Internet was absolutely correct in tying everything into a woman with a mouthful of man. It makes complete sense now. Like oil to an automobile, semen is good for all of a woman's parts. We are used to just depositing it in their wombs, but that's using a lack of imagination. A nice, thick, copious load of ejaculate is excellent for their skin, a perfect moisturizer for dry patches, chapped lips and a worthwhile additive to bubble baths; good as a deep treating facial, removing wrinkles and age spots...literally erasing twenty years from their features; as pointed out in the movie, "Something about Mary", it's an excellent holding mousse for hair; a superior dentifrice that fights cavities and plaque; an effective appetite suppressant, making it key in weight loss regimens; a legitimate, tasty and nutritious creamer for coffee, floor wax, dish-washing liquid that fights against dish pan hands, and now as a dietary requirement in the fight against cancer, it kicks ass!


Hmmm, my mind is churning now. There has to be some kind of marketing plan for this shit. If I can find a business model, I'll be rich, and off Welfare! I GOT IT! Here, the key is the rest of this article, "Also key seems to be the protein and enzyme count in the semen..." Get this stroke of genius: What if I patented a health drink, in like a soda can...better yet, a Red Bull can. I'll call it....JIZZ. Yeah, I can see it now, from Hobo Industries. It will have semen in it, and artificial flavors and colors! How about this! ORANGE JIZZ, or LEMON JIZZ! And...and, I would make it in three strengths because there is no way that I can get enough men to cum in 12 ounce cans so as to fill them all, and then mass distribute them to make this a cash cow. The demand for sperm would be greater than that of oil in OPEC!

So, to solve that problem I'll have JIZZ, SUPER-JIZZ, and MEGA-JIZZ! Each with 10, 20 and 50 percent semen respectively in its contents. Wow, this is really going to work. I can see it now! I'll sell it in health food stores, health spas, high schools, corner stores, grocery stores, shopping malls, better boutiques, and door to door saleswomen. More on this later. Hell, I'm topping myself! I can even make a mint with SUPER-MEGA JIZZ in a small bottle, like a 5 Hour Energy filled with 100 percent thick male cock sauce! I'm a millionaire. I can see it now. Women all over the world can now start to pull that complete stranger's random, arbitrary, indiscriminate cock out of their mouths that they find in a disco or bar every Friday night, and buy my JIZZ health drink.

They can guzzle it down as often as they want, and wherever they want. On a crowded commuter train, at the desk on their jobs, working out at the local health spa, while breast feeding the baby, over Thanksgiving dinner with the family...Hell, share a can with Mom! She'll love your for it, because your father is probably running low on the ol' man juice anyway. And it'll be even better than that erection that the everyday woman smokes in the backseat of a car, because this cum will be 100% STD free! Can you make the same claim about that guy that you are presently dropping down to your knees in front of ladies?

C'mon, isn't it time to give women a break? A big assed break. Why should we expect them to suck off just one man, draining him as dry as a mummy? Or call her a common tramp because she is out there in the city back alleyways trying to get her daily requirement of semen from a score of cocks exiting the back door of a club. (Okay, alright ladies, if you are still reading, you know you do it too. If a man asks you for your phone number at a bar, you'll take him out back, behind a row of garbage cans and chug a quart of cum from his crotch faucet just so that he'll call you at some later date...fess up) This way, she can pound down all the cum she wants without the added stigma of being the lowest common denominator, or the town suction pump, just because she's concerned about her health. The nutritional value of spunk is also well known, although some unenlightened women frown at its strong taste. It takes a very tough woman to take a heavy load of baby batter in her mouth, straight from the tap and swallow it down with a smile. Not to worry about JIZZ though. Even though it's fortified with concentrated man paste, it will have artificial flavoring...remember? To women, it would be like drinking a refreshing beverage with a little added extra zing. Tiny, active spermatozoa rushing down her digestive tract and wiggling their way into her bloodstream, giving her that added, extra oomph to start her day! Like Gatorade. Full of all the electrolytes and nutrients that an active woman needs in this hectic day and age, along with a great taste.

Oh, on top of that, refrige- ration will be a benefit. Sperm can survive refrige- ration, so none of the nutritional value of a can of JIZZ is lost just because she buys a six pack, or a family pack for her growing teen daughters, and sticks it in the refrigerator. I mean, if you sit a case of it out, and it reaches room temperature there might be some degradation of the quality of the sperm, its motility, and the potency of its seminal plasma, but it should be negligible. Her delicate metabolism will never know the difference and by sticking to a regime of a can a day, it should be no problem to gain the full benefit of the drink! Go girls go!

I can see the commercial now. Can you imagine it? It starts with a catchy tune and two women jogging on a park path in the heat of the day. They stop, pant, sweat and each lift a can of JIZZ and wipe it across their sweaty brows with relieved smiles. Cut to another woman working out on a stationary bike in a spa, with a heavy white towel across her shoulders, stopping, stepping away from the exercise equipment, and before her sweaty face gulp down a can of JIZZ! Then have a woman on her knees in a dingy, dark alley, with an erection in hand, and she turns to look at the camera with a questionable expression while the narrator tells her to put the dick down because there is a healthier way to get the nutrition she needs. Then cut to the narration of the nutritional value of each can, packed with 50% of semen in each serving. At this point, you can cut to an erection, firing bolt after bolt of milk white cum from its tip in slow motion. Cut again to a woman's attractive face, with a smile. Hmmmm she coos. And then you have the splash screen with the name JIZZ! In the background, in silhouette, you can have a woman, standing on a dark hill, the sun blazing behind her, turning up a can of the product to her profile. What a commercial!

The slogan for LEMON, ORANGE, GRAPE and PINEAPPLE JIZZ (of course there will be many more flavors, but no carbonation), "Put down that dick and pick up that JIZZ!" Further, back to the point of door to door saleswomen. This would be the spin off products of JIZZ drink...I've listed the benefits of sperm to the health and welfare of a woman above, so why not have a line of cosmetics containing sperm. Toiletries containing sperm. Kitchen products containing sperm. Food additives containing sperm. Seasonings containing sperm. Breakfast cereals containing sperm. The applications are fucking endless. And have a saleswoman go door to door, scheduling and throwing cosmetic parties, showing women firsthand the many varied benefits of even more sperm in their every day lives, no doubt having a man present with her, giving him a vigorous handjob in the middle of the cosmetics party to use fresh man milk, over and over again on demand in her demonstrations of sperms numerous applications. Man, I'd love that job!

Oh, I'm NOT finished. You think I'm finished? I don't think so. We all know that women have scores of digestive problems that they face during the span of their lives. Problems such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Menstrual cramps, digestive disturbances associated with pregnancy, bloating, diarrhea and constipation that sometimes accompany menstruation, and a host of other digestive disorders common to women. Any female gastroenterologist will tell you that semen coats the stomach lining with a thick, protective lining, easing abdominal distress in seconds. I'll sell it like Pepto-Bismol, or cod liver oil for women. What would I call it though....I'll have to give that serious thought.

Okay, now lets be fair. I'm telling you this because I'm hoping that you'll respect the fact that I came up with this idea first, and I'm going to try to make it a reality. Don't jump over me and copy my business model and claim you thought about it first. Shit, just because it appears here in my blog proves that I hold the copyright to this idea. Also, if you can help me to make this into a reality, get in touch with me right here in the blog post and we'll put all of our collective heads and resources together and become millionaires.

Now all I need to do is find a spokes- woman for the product.

Hobobob