A Stroll through Hell

"So, how have you been doing, Hobobob?" Sugar Plum asks.

I've been fine. I'm sitting in her office. It's busy in there. All of the offices of the staff are connected by a common waiting room. All of the offices are abuzz, even Sugar Plum's office has people in it. She jumps from her chair. "Come on, let's talk." I follow her into one of the back offices where it is quieter and empty. "So what have you been up to?" The usual, you know, I tell her. "Still seeing your doctors outside. Still making your appointments?" Yes, I'm still going, but to myself I think that I'm going to blow off Dr. D. today. I just not in the mood for the punch clowns.

"Well, you look good." We talk about the economic climate, the difficulty in finding jobs, the layoffs, the fear in the air. This economy is in sorry shape and it will be ages before it gets any better. With the economic incentives that the President has put in place it still will not bring any immediate relief. We agree that tough times await us all. It is a very laid back conversation. She asks me about Snow White. She was going to schedule me to meet up with someone else, but I inform her that I've already met with Snow White and that we had a good meeting. Sugar Plum makes it official, Snow White will be my coordinator from now on.

I say goodbye and head back up to my room. I'm feeling kind of strange lately. Mood changes. Pretty severe, pretty rapid; along with trouble sleeping. I make the stupid mistake of trying to play doctor. I go on the Internet and look up my head meds. I start with LYRICA first. Already my eyes pop.

"This medication is used to treat pain caused by nerve damage due to diabetes and shingles (herpes zoster) infection. It is also used to treat pain in people with fibromyalgia. It is also used with other medications to treat certain types of seizures (partial onset seizures). "

This does not describe my situation in the least. What is this, some kind of placebo?? I look around other sites and find the same information. Nothing about nervous conditions, anxiety. What the fuck am I on this stuff for?? I look at the side effects:

"swollen arms/legs, increased appetite, weight gain," Weight gain?? What the fuck do I need this stuff for? Although I have full control over my appetite now and have controlled my weight, this is disturbing. My gradual obesity finally has an explanation.

"This medication rarely may cause mood or behavior changes, such as anxiety, agitation, hostility, pressured/rapid speech, or thoughts of suicide. Tell your doctor immediately if you develop unusual (possibly sudden) mood changes."

Hmmmm, possibly? Naaah. I've been on it and on it right. Never missed a dosage. I don't understand this. Which makes me become more of a Doctor Idiot, as I look up more of my drugs.
WELLBUTRIN:

"Bupropion is used to treat depression. It can improve your mood and feelings of well-being. It may work by helping to restore the balance of certain natural chemicals (neurotransmitters) in your brain."

Now that sounds like me. Good call Nurse G. But here we go again. One of the side effects: "unusual weight loss or gain." The same old refrain, along with: "mental/ mood changes (e.g., agitation, anxiety, confusion, hallucinations)". Goddamn. Hallucinations for Crissakes. So my antidepressant can cause anxiety. And my anti-anxiety drug can...treat pain in people with fibromyalgia. Maybe that's why I've been all wound up lately. Maybe it's not because of the urn of coffee that I drink?

One more, LAMICTAL: "It may also be used to help prevent the extreme mood swings of bipolar disorder in people aged 18 and older. This medication is an anticonvulsant. Lamotrigine is thought to work by restoring the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain."

Me again to a tee. The man with the mood swings. "This medication rarely may cause mood or behavior changes, such as anxiety, agitation, hostility, pressured/rapid speech, or thoughts of suicide. Tell your doctor immediately if you develop unusual (possibly sudden) mood changes."

Shit. More of the same...and what about this shit??? "painful menstrual cramps" How am I going to know if I get those?? This is some pretty mean shit. "vomit that looks like coffee grounds" What the fuck? I can't wait for that one. I'm starting to freak myself out with all of my meds. I have to talk to Nurse G. about the LYRICA. She has to explain that to me. "dark/bloody urine" This is making me ill. Should I check up on my ABILIFY?? Hmmm.

Awwright, what the fuck.

"Aripiprazole is used to treat certain mental/mood disorders (e.g., bipolar disorder, schizophrenia). Aripiprazole is known as an antipsychotic drug (atypical type). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters). This medication can decrease hallucinations and improve your concentration. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take a more active part in everyday life. Aripiprazole can treat severe mood swings and prevent or decrease how often mood swings occur."

BINGO. Nurse G. scores big time. This one seems to regulate all of the others. ABILIFY is the top dog on the block. Great. I feel good now. Don't look at the side effects. The top dog might be a mean dog.

"mental/mood changes (e.g., increased anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts)" Okay, I looked. So it can also have the reverse effect. Hmmm. No vomit like coffee grounds though. That's always a nice one to come home to. "excess saliva/drooling" Yes, I do that sometimes. What kind of side effect is that? I dunno. I give up playing doctor for one day. It's a big responsibility, and I don't have the training. I'm spending too much time on the Internet.

I've got to do something constructive.

I think I'm going to work on my screenplay before I'm suddenly not in the mood.

Hobobob