Authors in Real Life

by Susan Sey

Greetings from New York City, where the Romance Writers of America is kicking off its national conference today! If you're here, wheeee! If you're at home, booooo. We miss you.

This is the time of year when we all frantically try to match up the faces we see in the halls to the author photos we see on the internet & in the back of books. It's no easy task. We lose weight, we gain weight. We cut our hair, we color our hair. We put on make up, we take make up off.

And my personal favorite--we change our clothes.

I spent most of last year's conference trying to keep up with all the people who introduced themselves to me at the Literacy Signing that first night. Now I'm terrible with names & faces but I tried so hard. I really looked at people, I repeated their names the way you're supposed to. I shook hands, I hugged, I really thought I had it.

Then they all went and changed their shirts the next day & I was lost. Utterly lost.

This creates something of a social landmine. You don't want to sit down at lunch & cheerfully introduce yourself to your neighbor, only to have her remind you that you hugged her less than twenty-four hours ago. Right after she bought four copies of your book.

Equally unsettling is introducing yourself to your neighbor at lunch & having her blink in dismay & say, "Oh, wow, you don't look like your author photo at ALL."

Ha. Nope.

So here are two things I want to say as the conference kicks off:

1) I am not as cute as my author photo. Yes, my hair's short again & I got a pedicure for the occasion, but I will not be wearing make up. Not during the day anyway. It bugs my eyes. Feel free to express dismay at my appearance if you meet me. I'll laugh, then we can go get a Diet Coke & talk about how our high heels are killing us.

2) I will probably forget your name. I'm so sorry. This is a horrible social failing but I get nervous around new people and when I'm nervous I fail to remember important things. Like their names. But remind me. I will hug you most sincerely (I'm a very sincere hugger) and then we can go get a drink because if I forgot your name I'll be horrified & I'll need a drink. Then you can tell me something embarrassing you just did, or hit me with your pitch, & I'll tell you about the ridiculous thing I just did & I'll remember you because we drank & talked & shared our humiliations.

So, hey, make me feel better, huh? Share a social gaffe--a case of mistaken identity, a failure to remember a time/date/person, etc. Because I'm bound to be hip deep in humiliation at this point & I could use a good laugh.

p.s. I'm racing around the conference like a crazy girl, so I'll be scarce on the comments today but I promise I'll savor every word when I have two minutes to myself & reliable internet access!

From Deadline Hell to Conference Madness

by Kate Carlisle

I did it! I met my deadline for ONE BOOK IN THE GRAVE, the next Bibliophile Mystery. Pretty good, considering that I’ve been working in the midst of a total kitchen remodel and my family visiting. When I reached the final sentence of the final scene, I paused, took a deep breath to savor the moment, and then slowly typed: T. H. E. E. N. D.

Moment savored, moment gone… and instant panic set in.

The Romance Writers of America conference is mere days away, and I have done nothing – nothing! – to prepare. I have nothing to wear. My nails have suffered the double mutilation of hammering away at the keyboard and of being gnawed at while I tried to work my way out of plotting quagmires. My scalp has little bald spots from me tearing out my hair, trying to get the book done in time.

Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration. If you’re going to conference, promise me you won’t look for bald spots!

The truth is, I have a lot of work to do to get pretty enough for conference. Because you know that we all want to look good for each other. It doesn’t matter that 98% of the attendees are female. It’s soooo not about the men. We want to look fresh and relaxed so that when we reunite with friends we haven’t seen for a year, they’ll tell us how great we look, and we’ll be able to believe that they’re not just being polite.

(Yeah, I dream big.)

We also want to look professional so that when we see our editors and agents and other industry professionals, they will get the impression that we easily handle the stresses of this writing life. In the hopes, of course, that they’ll pile on more stresses by giving us more, bigger, and better contracts.

(I do actually dream big.)

Which means, of course, that I must go shopping. And I can’t rely on the internet this time. There’s no time to have clothes shipped to me, try them on, realize I ordered the wrong size, return them, and get a second outfit to try on in the comfort of my own home. No, I will have to brave the harsh light of the dressing room.

And don’t get me started on shoes. Ack.

I can’t possibly visit the clothing stores until I get a mani/pedi. Otherwise the sales clerks won’t take me seriously. Getting a manicure is an exercise in patience for me. It’s hard to sit still long enough for the polish to dry. Almost invariably, I end up with at least one ding. So I repair the ding by adding a glop of polish, which leaves a little raised bump on my nail that looks like I have some sort of medical condition.

If you’re going to conference, promise me you won’t look for deformities on my fingernails!

My hope is that all the panic and craziness I’m going through now will pay off in the end. That I’ll arrive at conference looking polished and chic precisely because I am worried about it now. Which means at conference, I’ll be able to relax and enjoy the experience without giving a second thought to how I look.

That is, perhaps, the biggest dream of all.

The RWA conference is part professional networking event, part high school reunion. When is the last time you attended a big conference or reunion? Did you stress about what to wear, how your hair looked, how your nails looked, whether your shoes were scuffed… ? When you look back on that event, what sticks out most strongly in your memory?

Meanwhile, Back at the Lair...

posted by Aunty Cindy, Jo-Mama, and Posh

'Twas the week of RWA National conference and the Lair felt eerily empty with that preternatural quiet that could mean nefarious plots were afoot...

Or NOT.

A lone figure descended a back staircase, headed for the kitchen, a full tray in his hands and a look of consternation on his handsome face.

"Sorry, Lars," Paolo said, as he slid the tray of food onto the counter behind a beefy, Scandinavian hunk who was washing pots and pans, "Aunty Cindy turned thumbs down. She said your Swedish surprise is more of a shock, and not in a good way. According to her, the only one who will eat it is Ermingarde the Dragon."

Lars gave a long suffering sigh. "Then why did you bring it back to the kitchen instead of taking it to the dragon's turret?"

"Well, because... er, um, you know..." Red stained Paolo's high cheek bones, lending him an uncanny resemblance to Johnny Depp.

He was interrupted by Marcus, in full gladitorial regalia, checking in from his security sweep. "You simply must get over your fear of that over-grown lizard, Paolo. Just because she singed your trousers that one time is no excuse. A little mano-a-mano wrestling match with her should do the trick."

As the hapless Paolo choked over the thought of wrestling the dragon, Marcus and Lars exchanged knowing winks over his head.

"I'll take it up there," Marcus conceded with a good-natured shove. "Zach is there right now, mucking out her weir and I'm sure he would welcome the help."

"Zach got left behind too?" Paolo asked, clearly startled that the captain of the hockey hunks was not on vacation with the rest of the staff. "I mean, I understand why I was, since I'm the newest cabana boy, and I heard you gladiators used some kind of lottery system, but..."

"He said something about taking one for the team," Marcus explained, when the beeping of Lars's phone interrupted him.

"It's a text message from Sven," Lars exclaimed. "Bad enough that he left me a fifteen page color-coded flow chart about how to manage his kitchen, but he checks in every two hours." He peered at the screen then chuckled. "He sent a photo. Seems he and the gladiators went to the Magic Kingdom."

Paolo and Marcus leaned in for a look.

"What is that they are holding?" Marcus asked around guffaws.

"Looks like mouse ears," replied an astounded Paolo. "With feathers? Did somebody finally pluck that confounded rooster?"

"Boys!" Posh said sternly, striding into the kitchen sporting a fearsome scowl and snatching the phone from Lars. "It's no good looking at the pictures now. You'll just be even more sullen and sulky than you have been and you'll be even less use in the kitchen, though that's hard to imagine."

Posh gazed at the downcast faces and her expression softened. "We're all completely bummed about being left behind. What we need to do is think of a distraction."

"Distraction?" Paolo asked. "What could make us forget everyone even for a minute?"

"I'm glad you asked," Jo Mama said in her most teacherly voice, entering from the hallway. "I've made up a plan."

Posh arched an eyebrow. "Like a lesson plan?"

"Oh, no!" Aunty Cindy huffed, descending the stairs in a swirling, embroidered dress she picked up on her jaunt to Turkey. (Posh had thought it was a wedding dress for a young woman, but Aunty would neither confirm nor deny.) "I have had quite enough learning for one lifetime, thank you very much. No more lesson plans, Jo Mama!"

Jo held up her hand, commanding silence as all the best teachers do. She pulled a hitherto-unseen chalkboard from the butler's pantry. "Everyone calm down. I've studied our dilemma and, using ratiocination - "

"Lord, there she goes with the big words again." Posh rolled her eyes in an alarming circle.

" - Okay, then, using logic," she shot a sharp look at Posh, "I have discerned the only viable solution to our lack of entertainment - "

"And aching loneliness," Aunty Cindy said, head buried deep in the fridge as she searched for anything edible. "Don't forget the loneliness!"

"That, too," Jo sighed. "I actually thought there would be less drama with everyone gone," she muttered. "Maybe I should have taken a few days off myself."

"Well don't keep us in suspense, Jo Mama," Posh said, pushing Aunty Cindy out of the fridge. "You tell us what the plan is and I'll whip us up some supper. Real supper, not that so-called Swedish surprise."

She began pulling things out of the fridge and Aunty Cindy's eyes widened. "What are you making, Posh?"

"Never you mind, missy. Just listen to Jo Mama and prepare to be dazzled."

"As I was saying," Jo said, a hint of impatience coloring her normally professional delivery, "we need a plan that utilizes the resources we have available."

"You mean them?" Aunty Cindy eyed the boys dubiously.

"Us?" the guys asked, looking just as wary.

"Not them," Posh said, chopping onions and potatoes while a large iron skillet heated on the stove. "Our beloved Bandita Buddies!"

"Exactly," Jo beamed. "Our Buddies. Since we are temporarily without our resident bartenders, 14 of our storytellers and a passel of cabana boys, we need our precious Bandita Buddies to keep our spirits up."

"Meanwhile," Aunty said, flinging her arms about in a (melo)dramatic fashion, "I will lead the boys to the shrine of Mary I had built in the first floor of the cellar. I was so inspired by the Higgins House, built where Mary lived when she was in Ephesus, that I had one built. I'm sure the boys and I can drum up some help from the Blessed Virgin..."

Jo Mama rolled her eyes and Posh smirked. "If Aunty Cindy is the spiritual leader today, you KNOW we're in trouble!"

So, Bandita Buddies, you are ON! We need you desperately. Please tell us about your favorite thing to do when you find yourself suddenly, inexplicably and definitively ALONE.

Can't recall the last time that actually happened? Dream a little dream for us! Books? Bubble baths? Movies where you don't have to share your popcorn? What is your favorite alone-time pursuit? Or would you just like to come hang out with us and see what Posh is cooking? Do tell!

How Cool Can I Get?

By Kate



Who's going to Orlando for the RWA conference next week? I am!



I've heard it's humid. And hot.



Like, "I'M MELTING!" hot.

I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Are you?

For most of July, the rest of the country has been sweltering while here in Southern California it's been in the low 70's all month. So, as you can imagine, the thought of me spending all next week in sultry Florida (see? I'm being nice and not calling it oppressively stifling!) is ... daunting.

I'm scared. I admit it. Look at me! This hair doesn't handle frizz well at all!

So in anticipation of attending the RWA national convention in Orlando next week, I've been looking into ways to be cool. I mean, not hot. Er, you know what I mean.

I'm packing a fan. My friends don't believe me, but it's true. I have one that folds, like this one. I think it'll pack nicely in my suitcase.

Just looking at this fellow makes me feel good. I want to be that cool!

That's one way to stay cool -- and I'm looking for more.

I'll be using this fan pen to sign books at the big Literacy book signing on Wednesday, July 28. Isn't it cool? It's got a little battery inside to keep the fan running and it works really well. Be sure to stop by and check it out. You can be cool, too!

I've heard there's an Ice Cream Fountain restaurant inside the conference hotel. I might just stay in there all week long. This is a really good idea, don't you think? Eating ice cream should keep me cool, right? Y'all are welcome to join me!



How do you all beat the heat? I really am a wimp when it comes to heat and humidity, so any help or suggestions you can give me is greatly appreciated! I'll give a $15 Amazon gift certificate to one random commenter who can help me stay cool!

I've Got Nothing to Wear!

Now, before you all grab your faces and shout “My eyes! My eyes!” I can assure you, I do have SOMETHING to wear to RWA conference in two weeks. I mean I would not want to be the cause of Mickey Mouse keeling over in shock.

Rags. All of it rags.

Ok, not really but one thing I always look forward to before conference is buying new clothes for the occasion. I have “adequate” clothing for the business end of it and several cocktail type dresses, sparkly heeled sandals with sparkle still left. But I like to get something new to wear. Something fresh, something stylish, something that will make me look like the perfect next bestseller. Chic instead of comfy. Satin instead of worn cotton.

Especially given the tropical setting of Florida. I wasn’t quite geared up for that but the idea of supplementing my wardrobe with fun colors and soft, flowing tops and dresses and sandals…dear Lord, don’t get me started on the sandals!! I HEART sandals (deep breath Joanie, deep breath)…was enough to make my credit card grin.

So, armed with this elevated enthusiasm, I trotted out to the malls. (Quick, somebody pick up Nancy…she hates malls). Macy’s here I come!

I ran in and headed for the Misses department, my eye keen for shades of teal, of royal or sea blue, navy, white and the occasional pink. Maybe even some white or black capri’s. ….a girl can never have too many. I circled and circled and circled…nothing. I stood in stunned silence. Everything was so UGLY!

The prints were loud, in startling shades of bright orange/yellow/green or incredibly dull shades of pewter or faded puce. Electric brown melded with globs of mustard yellow. I was in shock. How could one of my favorite stores let me down?

I dashed out to New York and Company. I can ALWAYS rely on them. Well, colors were good but the cuts of the blouses, the designs? Ack! Not made for this girl who is not 5’6 “ and
-80 lbs. I don’t even hold that against retailers because we all know that sizes are relative anymore. I take one size in one brand and a smaller one in another. But man...not even ONE top?

I scanned the racks for a dress. A casual, cotton knit dress to wear breezing around the Magic Kingdom. I searched and searched finally seeing one in the perfect shade of teal, the perfect cut, the ideal material.

I couldn’t catch the woman wearing it walking across the Food Court fast enough!

Hours I spent looking for the Orlando look, mentally taking an inventory of my closet. It will be too hot to claim Caren’s Chico jacket though Nancy’s jewelry is still an option. Those white capri's from last year aren't too worn out.

Came home with two pairs of sandals and a beach towel.

Sigh. I can always accessorize. Oh, Nancy!!!!

So, what about you all? Do you have a favorite store? A favorite brand? What works best for you, the tried and true or the impromptu shopping trip. If you’re going to the conference, have you found the perfect outfit?

Ohhhhhh, Opryland!!! and Big Zero Birthdays...

by Jeanne Adams

When a friend turns thirty - you know, the big THREE-OH! - it's often the time to plan one heck of a party, right?

I mean, it's not everyday a gal reaches that milestone, that mark of maturity and magnificent vibrant LIFE! It's an achievement. You remember turning thirty, don't you?

(Or if you haven't turned it yet, just hush, don't make us have to sick the GR on you...)

So, when you're an organization of romance writers, mostly women, it's REALLY an achievement to make it to the big birthdays. Next year, RWA turns thirty. The conference, in Nashville, Tennessee, will be a celebration of all that's fabulous, past and present and headin' into the future, about RWA. How cool is that?

The pillars of our industry are going to be there, some of them are going to be speaking, some will be there to present awards, some will just be there having a grand "birthday" celebration with the rest of us. Seriously, this is going to be one great shindig.

Now, some of you may be yawning over this. Some may be rolling their eyes over my enthusiasm, thinking (or saying to your monitor): "...Just another conference in another town..."

Well, let me just beg to differ. I need to tell you that the hotel is a party alllllll by itself.

Seriously.

If you've never been to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel, you have missed an experience. (No, they did NOT slip me an envelope to write this. Although if they choose to now...welll...we could tawk...) Grins.

The sheer magnitude of this place rivals the best spa, the best hotels, the best resorts I've ever seen. Now lest you think that a specious comment, I've seen and stayed in a number of the Ritz Carlton's properties, several Fairmonts, seen a few luxury suites and even stayed in the Mt. Kenya Safari Club.

(Ever stay there on your trips, KJ? Woweee... Heeeeyyyy, I could write a blog about that one too...*makes note for future post*)

Sorry, momentary diversion. Where was I?

Oh yes, the Gaylord Opryland.

The waterfalls begin as soon as you leave the lobby, which is huge, and features comfy seating areas and a coffee bar. There are gardens and waterfalls, riverboats, fountains, grottoes, and pathways all over the hotel. I walked and walked and walked just for fun INSIDE the amazing, fabulous atriums. I never saw the same places twice unless I chose to, but when I decided to return to my room, the paths were well marked and I easily found my way. The food was great in all the venues I sampled, from Irish Pub to Rusty's Sports Bar to the Jack Daniels Saloon. I didn't try it, but I heard the sushi place was pretty cool too. (They even have a "food court" type option, very good and pretty darn reasonable!)

Oh, and the Coooookkkkiiiiieeees! OMGosh, they have this cookie place....Ohhhhhh. It's called Christies. (Trish, do they just sell these at Opryland?) And the cookie place had ice cream in luscious flavors. Yummmmm.

Did I also mention that there's a Godiva shop in one wing? Hmmmm?

Oh, yes, there is. *dreamy sigh*

It doesn't seem to matter what room you're in, or what floor you're on, the views are lovely. In a brisk walk, you can get to a nearby mall (they also run a shuttle), or take another shuttle to the Opryland Center for music. It's just cool. If you're so inclined, you can also visit one of the biggest darn Bass Pro Shops I've ever seen!

This weekend when we were there, they were finalizing the Christmas decor. Talk about breathtaking!! Oh, my goodness. Millions of lights, an enormous nativity scene outside, and elves, bears and nutcrackers, (oh, my!), lights, balloons and glittering Magi inside made the place a virtual wonderland for holiday visiting. (Check out the videos on YouTube by searching Gaylord Opryland Hotel - there were so many...all gorgeous!)

I found myself wishing you could all see it now AND in July.

Then again, in July, the gorgeous pools will be open; it was a bit tooooo nippy for swimming this time of year! I stopped into the Spa - fabulous! - and checked out the nightclub - hip and cool - and had a ton of fun just exploring.

So, if you're an RWA Member, you saw the HotSheet with the lineup of speakers from Sherrilyn Kenyon to Jayne Ann Krentz to Nora Roberts and back to our own BB Friend, Sabrina Jeffries. What's not to love about THAT? I don't care what city we're in (well, I do, but rhetorically...) that is one heck of a line-up right there. I'd go just for that. Then, there will be the fab-o workshops, as always.

This year, we have the extra fun of the hotel being a "guest destination" too. I'm already plotting and scheming to get a weekend away here, just for me and the hubster. I want to take him on the Delta Riverboat Cruise, just the two of us. Fab-U-Lous.

This place beats all heck out of Las Vegas, in my book. I loved the themes out there, but the smoke and gambling-focus was so distracting.

At the Opryland, it's apparently alllll about the guest experience. Hey...next summer that means it's all about US!! Yeah!

So, have you ever been to a massive "attraction hotel" like this before? Like Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, or that water park one in Chicago?

What about Nashville and the Wild Horse Saloon? Anyone been there? (There are mustangs on the ceiling...)

I'd love to hear your favorite destination hotel experience. Just for fun, I have a box of Godiva to give away....tempt, tempt, tempt...