Omelettes, redheads and well-hung neatniks ... oh my!

by Anna Sugden

I'm a romance reader. I love them. I will defend them, as well as my right to read one in public without embarrassment, to the death. If there's one hot button I have (okay I have several, but that's not the point!) it's people who diss romance novels with all that stuff about romances being formulaic, cliched, trashy, pornographic, blah, bah, blah. You notice they never talk about things like sales and popularity and being great reads!

As author Sarah Duncan (http://www.sarahduncan.co.uk/) wrote in a fab article recently - I'm paraphrasing - just because they're easy to read, doesn't mean they're easy to write or that the writing is less valuable. Just because they're comfort food, doesn't mean they're less acceptable or delicious than a five star meal. Well said, Sarah!

And, I know that if you're a regular in the Lair (even a lurking regular) you probably feel the same.

That said, I'm not blind to certain cliches and I'm all for having a little fun with them (we romance readers/writers have a sense of humour and are able to take the mickey out of ourselves, unlike some ...)

So, today, I thought we could have a giggle and roll our eyes at certain things that seem to crop up in romances.

Let’s take, for example, the omelette.

Have you ever noticed that no matter how little food there is in the house, there is always enough in the refrigerator for an omelette? What’s more, not only does one of the characters know how to make an omelette, but he or she can turn out a perfect, fluffy specimen!

And, how many times do we see a hero and heroine sharing an omelette made with only one egg. Puh-lease! That’s barely enough for one person with the appetite of a mouse, let alone two!

In recent months, I’ve noticed a tendency to have couples share, not an omelette, but a can of soup and one grilled cheese sandwich. Do these people not eat normal size portions?!

Another thing that makes me roll my eyes is the number of red-headed heroines. Clearly, blondes don’t have all the fun any more! Given that (natural) redheads only make up something like 4% of the worldwide population, how come so many of them get to have happy ever afters with our favourite hunky heroes?

For those of you out there still looking for love - maybe it’s time to get out the hair dye!

Now, let’s talk about heroines who cry mistily. Where’s the red nose, the blotchy skin and puffy eyes? And what about the women who can throw up without looking like they’re at death’s door?

We can’t let the heroes get away with it either. The number of heroes who have perfectly neat and clean apartments or houses is staggering. No dishes in the sink, no dirty clothes strewn across the floor, no newspapers left in a heap next to the pizza box and an empty six-pack. Some of them get away with it because they have housekeepers or cleaning services, but how many single men do you know with housekeepers or cleaning services? For those of you old enough to remember The Odd Couple (either the film or the TV series) - there can't be more Felixes than Oscars, can there?

And then, the size thing or, more accurately, the size of 'the thing'. Well-hung (as opposed to normal) men seem to be as common as those natural red-heads. I know, men like to think that's the case (bless them), but really ... *g*

Now, it’s your turn. What makes you giggle or roll your eyes when you see it over and over in a romance? If there was next to no food in your house, would you have enough for an omelette and would you be able to make a perfect, fluffy one?