The Simple and The Complex

I'm scratching my hanging balls.

Yes, my itching all over my body jumps on me the instant that I wake up in the morning, and today I scratch my balls, but they hang, so scratching them is like juggling two grapes with your fingertips. Fuck it then, itch. I scratch other parts of my body, my shoulders, arms, legs. I get up and make tea. I haven't had the urge to make coffee in some time. Did I make coffee yesterday? I touch my chin with a finger and look up at the ceiling, trying to remember. Did I?

Maybe I need to read my own blog. I turn on my computer, look for people who love me to send me email. Nobody loves me today. Well, that's okay. I can still send out emails. I also work on my novel and watch the clock. Today It's.....wha? I could have sworn that it was 9:00am. The clock is reading 11:30. Fuck. I had a 11:00 meeting with Charliqua Lovebiscuit today. Shit. That's a bummer. Now the bitch will have to write me a note and mail it to me for my next meeting with her. Awww, she'll have to work a little bit harder in giving me a tough time. Well, too bad. I'll see her later. Besides I have to see Dr. A before seeing her, and now I can get this done. I'll see him this Friday.

So, I have time. I get dressed and hit the bricks, taking the street to the avenue and begin to march. I still my mind and keep it moving. I'm doing my thing in the cool weather, but it was not cold. This was not bad, expecially in the middle of December. I go downtown and back uptown with no problem. It's quite easy and relaxing to me now. I can't wait to add another ten blocks to my regimen next week. I want to keep the stress on the body for as far and much as possible.

I get home after doing a little food shopping and then I pass out on the bed. I sleep hard, very hard. So hard that I can't get up. I look at the clock, it's four O'clock. I nod, it's four thirty. Its too hard for me to climb out of the bed. I'm exhausted. I struggle. My body feels heavy. Very heavy. I take a shower and wash the kinks away, the hot water invigorating. I am feeling good when I hit the room again. I dress and get ready for my night.

Tonight Sweet D is supposed to be having a movie release of his life at the IFC theatre. A movie about drugs, junkies, recovery and redemption. It sounds good, but just because Sweet D is in it, well that makes it even more of a must see. Lu, our radio producer has invited me. She has extra tickets and I'm going to see the show for free. I sit behind my computer, not wanting to move. Even after my shower I wonder if I'm going. I play a mind game with myself. I just put on my pants, sit back down in front of my computer. Then I put on a shirt. Then my shoes. I am soon ready to go. I sit down behind my computer again and my bell rings. Huh?

I'm not sure that I'm going to answer it, but I get up and do. It's Paula. She motions to step in. She always motions to step in. I just crack the door and peer out. What do you want? "Hobobob, I have a problem with my computer and I wanted you to look at it." What? What the fuck? Everyone that knows me marginally just KNOW that I repair computers. Where did this come from. Igor? Shit. I'm sorry Paula, I'm leaving here in a few minutes. "It'll only take a minute." I nod, lock my door and enter into her room. The first word that comes to me is cluttered. There is a lot of clutter. A lot. She has a freezer on the side, a hot plate on top of it. There is a George Foreman Grill on top of the counter. She must like to cook. A wide screen TV on the table, and on a chair, a brand new HP laptop. Nice. I look at it and marvel. Brand new. She's having a problem with this....she shows me and it functions normally. "Oh well," she says somewhat embrassed. "This is a problem too." That too functions normally. Well, that's it then. I stand up off her bed. "Jeez, I'm telling you that nothing was working ten minutes ago, and then suddenly, it all clears up." That's alright. I've got to go. I slip out of her door and into mine.

I'm quick, grabbing my coat and gone. I barely make it to the movie and meet up with D2theL, Lu and OBSIDIAN in front of the theater and we go in and enjoy an entertaining as well as in places, disturbing movie. 'I'm Dangerous With Love" will be shown in this theater only next month. This was a sneak preview, and it was great. From there everyone went to the ALIBI bar for drinks and we stood around talking. The night wound down early, and all of the partygoers were thinning out. D2theL and OBSIDIAN left, leaving Lu and myself. We left Sweet D at the bar, saying goodbye and went to the Way. Lu went downtown and I Uptown.

I'm in my room again, safe, sound, happy. I check my email. Nothing exciting. I stay up until 3:00 in the morning, writing. Wishing that I could just find that magical opening to get into the writing world that so many other authors have found. To get my work out to the masses, and maybe have the masses return that love. To see if I can GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOLE. Dealing with WECARE and all the bullshit that you have to just to get by.

I want to be free of them MORE than they want of me.

One day I will. Remember the gutter where I came from. I'm not done yet.

Hobobob