Hobobob For Governor

Yeah, I knew it.

I knew that I would wake up sore...well not sore, rather, stiff. The muscles in my arms were knotted. Those in my stomach, tight. I cranked out my push ups and sit ups with no problem as well as the rest of my calisthenics. They were relatively easy. If this keeps up for the rest of the week, it will be time to raise the number. I grinned, turning on my baby, watching as the myriad tiny lights on it, the portable drive, wireless mouse and headsets light up in the ebony dark. I look at the microwave clock. It's 5:00am.

I consider my sleep and remember nothing of my dreams. I only remember night- mares. I can't remember having wild sex with two or more movie stars. No. I remember my laptop going missing. What kind of shit is that?

Now, the high point of my morning, making coffee. I can't believe I have this little motherfucker in my home, brewing. It's incredible. I stand watching the tiny thing serve up five cups of coffee. I think I'll name the thing...'Darling'. Yeah, that's a good name for it. From now on, if I remember, I'll refer to it as Darling. I pat it on it's top as if it can appreciate a job well done. I sit down and email. That's the second high point of my morning.

I'll sit here all morning long, blogging, emailing and reading the news. Like the shit that went down with Blagojevich. He fucked up big time didn't he? And the really fucked up thing is that he KNEW that he was under Federal investigation. And he bragged about them not being able to find out anything. That he was clean. I don't blame him for selling political positions, extorting businesses, and just being an all around corrupt politician. I mean, that's about 80% of all the politicians in Washington. What I blame him for is his arrogance. He really felt that he was untouchable. As he said, there would be nothing coming down on him but 'sunshine'.

Boggles a hobo's mind. Now, if I was governor, I would have the states Unem- ployment insurance laws looked at the FUCK AGAIN. Because, if you want to talk about something that needs work, it's that. I was fired, and yeah, although I deserved it...that's right, I'll be the first to admit it, I deserved it, I didn't deserve loosing everything that I ever, ever owned, including the clothes off my back and the shoes off my feet. But because I was fired, I wasn't allowed to collect on some thing that I have been pouring money into for over 30 years, Unemployment. I was left high and dry to fend for myself. That means eating from soup kitchens, getting clothes from churches, sleeping in the streets. You know, the all around homeless thing. And that's why I'm not against taking whatever other handouts that the state offers because shit, I've been paying into them for over 30 fucking years too.

What would I change in the law? IF someone is fired, they get paid for the amount of time that they worked in the place. If a person worked somewhere for five years, they would make more than someone who worked somewhere for two. And, the amount would be in relation to what they were making. Maybe two thirds of their full pay. Just enough to cover rent and necessities, you know, like fucking food.

But Hobobob, the politicians would say, how in the fuck do you intend on getting the funds to pay for all of this generosity? First, I'll take back all the money that the working public has put in for Unem- ployment Insurance and take it away from all of those Pork Barrel projects for your fucking pals to make a fat ass living off of. And then I'll kick half of you do nothing, lazy fucks out of office and delete your fucking positions. That should fucking do it nicely. With cash to spare.

Yeah, you wouldn't have to worry about me being corrupt.

If you're a politician in my state, the grand state of New York, you'd be worried about your goddamned job like we all worry about ours. And that's my motherfucking platform if I ever ran for office.

Shit, come to think about it, I should run for fucking office. No joke. Just run for district representative or something like that. Fight for the needs of a district, then as an assemblyman, then a state representative, then a mayor, governor, senator, or in whatever order that shit goes in. Hobobob for governor. That has a nice ring to it. I ask you, wouldn't the name Hobobob intrigue you if he was running for a seat in your town, district or state?

It would me. I'd want to know what this homeless fuck stood for. Shit.

Well, that's me on my soapbox. I humbly step down and pour myself a cup of coffee in my new SRO, and a new coffee maker. I don't need to be in politics. I have all that a man can ask for right here and now. I'm not saying that I don't aspire for more, I'm saying that I'm content with what I have.

I lean back on my kitchen counter, take a sip from my cup. Hmmm, Hobobob: Governor of the State of New York. That has a certain ring to it doesn't it?

And you wouldn't have to worry about me being corrupt, because I have a coffee maker.

Hobobob