Sperm as Snack

Well I went for bagels.

I went for bagels and SPAM. I don't know what's up with this bagels and SPAM kick that I'm on but something is wrong. It's just that for the first time in my life that damned meat is tasty. And on an everything bagel, it kicks ass.

And what is SPAM made from anyway. Is there a little SPAM animal out there that they kill to get this stuff from? Is it a part on a pig. The SPAM area? Is it the compressed assholes of pigs, ground up and filled with some filler? Is the filler pig sperm? Is that why it sticks together so well? Why do I ask about sperm? Because SPAM always looks to me like two words, 'sperm' and 'ham'.

Now I don't want to get too graphic here, but I know that women don't mind eating sperm, but as for me, I'll pass. So I should pass up on my SpermHam? I don't know, I'm hoping that the filler is made from something else. I have to look it up on one of the packages the next time that I see it and check that shit out. No wait, I have one of the packages here. Hold on!

Do you want to know the fucking scary thing about it? It doesn't say. It just gives you a phone number to call if you have any 'product questions'. What the fuck? I don't know about that shit, but I know that I'm not the only person on this planet that would like to know what SPAM is made out of. You know what that means. Check the Internet.

Ahhh, SPAM is made up of: chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added, salt (for binding, flavor, and firmness), water (to help in mixing), sugar (for flavor), sodium Nitrite (for color and as a preservative). That's not as terrible as I thought for a second there. Just to make sure, I looked up the ingredients of sperm, and got: Sperm consists of at least 2 vitamins: C and B12. It also contains important minerals, including such elements like calcium, magnesium, potassium, zinc, and phosphor. 2 sweet substances are included in sperm's composition. They are the fructose and the sorbitol. Besides the other obvious ingredients the sperm has, it contains also proteins. They make the sperm to be an exceptional nutritional supplement but will never substitute a balanced diet. It is worthy to mention about the existence of a significant amount of cholesterol and sodium in sperm.

A balanced diet? Who the fuck are they kidding? A snack maybe..... Funny, those same ingredients are in SPAM. Makes you wonder. Well, I researched some more and got where the fucking name came from - Spam was originally a type of canned luncheon meat which dates back to the Second World War. The name "SPAM" is derived from "Spiced Ham".

How in the fuck did I get on sperm and ham? I dunno. That's how my sick brain works when it has nothing to do. Make these crazy assed observations that have no connection to the real flipping world. I'm sick I tell you, I'm sick. If you think that I'm kidding you, you need to live out in the streets for two fucking years.

But I love the shit out of SPAM! What's to be made of that? Well, needless to say I have a SPAM and bagel sandwich for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I work on my novel. My novel, which is my dream right now. I dream of it being published. I dream of this damn book being printed in several languages and making the best seller lists. I dream of money pouring in all of a sudden and I can buy a house out in the suburbs of some city and live a good life, with good food, maybe some pets, a den filled with books and a beautiful wife. That would be a good dream for a homeless man who is sitting in a small room like a jail cell, afraid to leave it because I have no money. I have no capability to support myself, and if the powers that be choose to, they can send my ass right on out into the streets.

Now you want to talk about dreams or a feeling or eating sperm, or anything, I'll tell you right now, that there is no other overbearing feeling or issue like that of being turned out into the streets. Oh, you can survive it. You can live out there indefinitely, but it's a tough motherfucking life, and I have grown increasingly soft in this room, with a bed and temperature controlled conditions and freedom from thieving skeksies. Tell me that that's not going soft.

Hell no, I don't want to hit the streets again. I don't know if I could find my way back up to this position that I'm in right now. I know that this is transitional housing, and this is only to be my circumstances for a year or a couple of months, but fuck if I want to wait for my new apartment in the streets. This place is pretty good in that respects. They take care of all your paperwork for your Section 8 voucher. Once you get your voucher, you can get your apartment anywhere in the continental United States. Which is damned good.

"I already was approved for section 8," Paula tells me at the elevator. I'm going down for my bagels and SPAM. Paula is always one up on me. "I'm just waiting for my fucking voucher." She waves her hand at me, the one with the big assed ring. "And then I'm getting the fuck out of here." So, where are you going? "Anywhere, but I'm getting my apartment." Yeah, and you're getting married too on top of it. Yeah Paula, you've got everything going there for you sweetheart. Good luck.

I wonder if she has sperm as a snack? I'm sorry, that's just how my mind thinks.

Hobobob