Tomato Sandwiches and Mayonaise

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I GOT IT!!!

Now I've been proven right, at long last!! There is actually something called 'The Skeksie ride". I'll get specific in a second, I just want to break my fucking arm patting myself on the back. Why? Well, I have to say that the response time for my elevator to service 9 floors is pathetic. I mean, when I'm on the elevator and it goes from floor to floor, it takes less than 30 seconds to service a floor. I mean, from the elevator stopping, opening it's door, waiting, closing it's door and moving on...30 seconds. Now that shit is fast. And yet, I wait forever for the fucking elevator.

Now, I listen to my fellow tenants from time to time bitch and moan that the elevator is too fucking slow, but I point out that can't be possible. There are only 9 floors in my building. One elevator should be able to service the damn building with a wait time of only two to three minutes for the elevator. Shit, I lived in an apartment building with 14 floors and two elevators, and one elevator would be down routinely. Still, I never had to wait five minutes for the elevator like I do now.

Another phenom- enon that I find appro- priate to my hypothesis is the fact that every time I get into the elevator, which is seldom, because I seldom go out, I see the same shitty Skeks riding in it. I can get in the elevator with a Skek, ride down to the first floor, go out and run in the Kentucky Derby, come home and get into the elevator with the same Skek, and ride up to my floor with him/her. It was at this point that I came up with the phrase, "The Skeksie Ride". Like a roller-coaster at Disney-world, the Skeks ride the elevator up and down, pressing all of the buttons, or just a few, doing something quite stupid in the service of their warped ends.

They climb aboard, ride down, stand in the waiting elevator on the first floor until someone calls for it upstairs. Then they'll press a button or two, causing it to stop twice for no reason, then up to your floor where you get on and then ride with you back down, pressing for a floor that they don't get off of. Then ride down to the first floor with you, but never get off. It's like a carnival ride to them because they are indeed aimless.

Well, this was just a theory, until two Skeks got on one day. Well, one was on, and the other was getting on with me. They laugh and shake as if they are long, lost friends, and one says to the other, "What are you doing? Elevator Surfing?" Holy shit!! They have a name for it! "Elevator Surfing!" What the fuck? So that's why I can't get an elevator without growing a beard. These pricks are amazing how selfish they are.

I tell you, this building never ceases to amaze me.

Recently, I bought almost a dozen books from Amazon. com. I love Amazon because where can you find a book for $1.68 that once cost $25.00? Yep, the book re-seller's market is amazing at Amazon.com. This is really for me because I had a huge library when I lived like you. When I was solvent with a home. Now I've been living here going on three years and it's beginning to feel like home, and I miss my library, so I've been ordering books to help me with a story that I am writing right now. I used to have the books years ago, so now replacing them is child's play, even for the poor and destitute! Well, that's the good news. My first package came in a box, so they called my room from the security desk and told me that they were holding it for me.

Today, I go to my mailbox and there is a letter and a curled up package in it. I tug the bitch out of there and look in to find another package curled up in the cramped space. I reach in and muscle that one out of the mailbox. How in the hell does the mailman do it? Why do it? Just leave it at security. There's no need to curl the shit out of a publication. Hey, maybe it's me, but I hate books that have been abused so much that they now have what is called a 'character'. Especially paperbacks that have a curl or bend or roundness to it. I hate creased covers even more.

My pet peeve. I just hope the rest of my books that come in, come in boxes.

Hobobob