Snow Deafened, Dumbered and Blinded

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I started feeling better.

My body, especially my legs, started feeling better. I don't know why I got so winded and tired, but I fucking did. God, I'm so out of shape. I need to start jogging or doing something again. Or I'm going to die one day from the exertion of picking up a pen off the floor. When my body stopped aching I got the fuck up and headed out to the grocery store again. This time the way was much more easier due to the fact that there were more plowed sidewalks this time.

Walking to the store, I watch as fools try to drive their cars down snow and ice covered streets. You can see drivers slipping and sliding down narrow ways, trying to keep their cars from plowing into other parked vehicles. Now this is what gets me. New Yorkers are so fucking self absorbed. Trains, buses, even people are advised to stay indoors and yet these stupid useless mother fuckers believe that they can just hop into their vehicles and go anywhere they want. As if the snow and ice will apologize for sending their asses off the road, up on the side walk, through a wrought iron fence and down a basement venting next to the side of a building. And my imagination is so fertile, I'll like for that wrought iron fence to topple in on the wreckage, and have its sharp spokes rip right through the interior of the car and impale that fucking mother fucker to the dashboard.

Do you think I hate privileged minded New Yorkers. Yep, I do. If you're one of these silver spoon motherfuckers that think the sun rises out of your ass every morning, then I'm sorry that I don't like you. I apologize. Uhhh, NOT! I hope you and everything you know and love slide into Hell, with Satan the Devil sliding down with you, crying like a bitch because of what's in store for everyone. Hah on you, you offspring of rats and roaches!

Well, now that I got that off of my chest, I march my fat ass up to the Associated Superstore and do some light shopping because I have only light money. I've worked out my final budget for the month. Use the remaining few dollars on my food stamps card, then cover the difference with the remaining cash I have, and use the rest of the cash to pay for train fare to see Bryan for lunch in the city. I have everything worked out. So the real trick is to stay under budget. So I counted scrupulously to make certain that all was good, and I also made certain that I only bought sale items, which may limit what I get, but it allows me to get more of other stuff.

Well, that's how I shop. Another thing that I'm trying to fight against is what I playfully term, PARALLEL- LISM. I know I kinda mentioned it in an earlier post but I didn't give it any explanation. Well, if you go to soup kitchens/food pantries, not to fucking knock them, but you get non-perishable items. Shit in cans and boxes. Very few jars, no fresh vegetables or meats, nothing frozen, nada. Well, because they are limited as to what they can give you and store for long periods of time, they give you this and that stuff. Now Parallellism comes in when you get one of a thing but not the supporting other.

Such as pasta, and no pasta sauce. Now that's easy. How about this, cereal and no milk. Bread and nothing else. Rice and nothing else. Oatmeal, no sugar or milk. Canned foods and no can opener...oh no, wrong parallel. Beans and no rice, rice and no beans. Meat tenderizer and no meat. This is the most frustrating thing that you can possibly imagine, because they go out of their way to give you shit that has absolutely NO parallel. And have you ever ate plain rice? Plain Pasta? Plain oatmeal? Tastes like cardboard. You can't even mix them up to make them tasty. The only thing you can do is to make certain that you save some money so that when you do get this bag of dry goods you can go out and buy the parallels of everything you have. If you have enough money.

So I roll my cart up to a cute counter girl who can't take her eyes off me. Of course there's no good reason for this shit, so I check my nostrils for boogers, the corner of my mouth for food, the corners of my eyes for sleep and if something was sneaking down from under my hat. I could find nothing. She gave me my total and I held up my food-stamp card. "I would like to use the rest of the cash on this card first."

Okay, she nods. I swipe my card in the machine and she tabulates everything and gives me the total. I give her the twenty, the last twenty to my name, and she gives me six dollars in return. I look at the cash and then at her. Hey angel, I ask, what happened? Did it subtract the cash from the card first? She looked at the computer monitor, frowning: "Oh no, it didn't. I'm so sorry!" She calls over the manager, a big, short woman who walks up to us with a commanding tone. "Yeah, what's the problem here?"

The cashier explains the error. The manager hands me the receipt. "Yeah, it didn't take the money off your card." Yes, ma'am, we already know this, the problem is that I want the money taken off my card, and I want my change as cash. Can you believe she looks at me, blinks and says: "Well, that's just going to take too much work." What?! I opened my mouth, but the honey girl of a cashier jumped in the middle of us. "I'll do it," she said. "I'll back-ring him in." The manager shooed her away, "Go away, I'll do it."

I looked at her. You'd better. I mean, what the fuck was she talking about, 'It'll take too much work'? What the fuck was she on, her lunch break? What the fuck did she walk into this place this morning for, to show people receipts? Bitch, you'd better give me my money, or I'll beat your ass to death with this shopping cart. Of course I didn't say or try to do anything like that to her for fear she'll press some kind of panic button and have a store full of stock clerks rush me and put my unconscious ass in the frozen produce aisle until the authorities arrived.

But shit stain reversed everything, took back the change, had me swipe my card, re-did the transaction and then walked away in a huff. Good bye to you too, psycho-shit-fuck! Honey girl returned pushing her glasses up her nose and stared at me starry eyed. "I'm so sorry about that." I shook my head. Cute women always get the fuck off the hook, because you can't help but want to do fun things to them. Hey, no problem. It's not like I like running out in that snow anyway. "Well, happy holidays," she said. Yeah, you too (you honey faced barbie doll). I turned and split. What the fuck am I doing? Falling in love with a cashier? What am I? Snorting helium? Did I get snow dumb as well as blind outside?

I take my fat ass back home and sneak upstairs. Funny, there was no skek rides going on then. I just hopped into the elevator and went home. I was glad to get behind my door, and trust me, I was not going to leave this room ever again until the snow was all gone. And I do mean ALL GONE.

Hobobob