Is it 2012 Yet?

Well this is 2011. Do you think everything will still be around in 2013?

That sounds like such an unlucky number doesn't it? There are millions of people who believe the end of the world is coming in 2012. You don't believe me? See the movie. The sun lines up with all of the planets and the gravitational pull of them all together causes major shifts in the sun that hits the Earth with supercharged neutrinos, which then overheats the core of the Earth. The icecaps melt, the land masses buckle, all the volcanoes, even the ones that just look like hills, blow! (and that woman next to you...when she sees the fucking end coming, she'll start blowing too. They hit it like a child would a pacifier for comfort when they see an incomprehensible death approaching with fire and smoke, so that you can face your finish with a smile. That's natures way of easing our passing into death from otherwordly means).

But continuing....the end of the world. Why would I talk about the END, when we are facing the NEW? Because this is the last year for the new. So start up your shit people. All those great plans that you had to get to later, like next year...you'd better get your asses in gear tomorrow. Get all your shit done because this is the five minute warning. But remember, be careful because when EVERYONE does what they want anarchy is right around the corner. So these people that you think are psycho by taking guns and bombs and families to live in a bunker up in the hills and train for the crumbling of civilization may not be as psycho as you might think. Although to me, they are ridiculously short sighted.

If the world ends with anarchy there will be a slow build up to the collapse of everything. Then there will be the settling of the end. A scorched, nuclear irradiated Earth, with the battered few battling it out, hoarding the remaining non-perishable resources. Then, years later, which anyone will have to think in the space of YEARS if they sincerely desire to survive, they emerge from their dumb ass bunkers. The longer they stay in those fucking cans, the better, especially if a couple of nukes were thrown around during the fall of humankind. Not a year, or two but like ten. Civilization is NOT going to fall overnight brothers.

Then you'll have these survivors crawl out of their holes and try to work ol' barren Earth, now picking over the long picked over resources. You know, food cans that glow in the fucking dark. Rats and squirrels that look like fur and bones. The smarter of these 'survivalists' are quick to say, "We'll leave the city for the farmlands to build farms and live off the land." Listen idiots, when they start to dismantle the cities when you close your shelter doors, where the fuck do you think these armed survivors are going to go? Disneyland? When you get to these so-called farmlands you'll be faced with gun toting PRE-survivalists laying claim to it. Trying to cultivate land without the needed resources to do so like water that isn't tainted with acid rain or over saline rich land made useless. That means they are not going to parcel out their hard fought land to you. You can forget that shit. They'll need all they have to barely feed their own.

What are you going to do then you late comers get to the party? Go to the cities and start to dismantle them alone? You and your family, or maybe your entire town that went into bunkers and lasted a decade together. Are you all, maybe three hundred strong, going to dismantle Los Angeles? New York? Chicago? I don't think so. I'll tell you what you'll do. You'll ride down into these homesteads that refused to share the remaining resources with you and there will be the continuing dissolution of civilization baby! I'm talking more bloodshed brother! However, your party will be weaker and more bullshit because all of the fun stuff has happened already. You missed the neighborhood wide gunfights, citywide drunkenness and lascivious behavior on a massive scale.

Fucking, sucking, shootouts, looting (for no fucking reason), murder, mayhem, grand theft, felonious behavior... man, that'll be a fucking party. And you survivalists will have missed it all. Your party will be a weak shadow of the big one, with less naked really hot women. Just think of that. What kind of looking chick would have survived the end of mankind? Sorry to give you the bad news but hot looking chicks with guns may make your mouth water, but they don't fight worth shit. It's those butch looking bitches that rule. Trust me, you'd think of fucking men before you touch one of those scalawags.

You'd have missed the good guns, like the Javaelin anti-tank missiles, and new weapons out there that make the dick hard and lastly all the good hooch, the Jack Daniels, the Glennlivet, the Jamison, the Seagrams...all of it will either be busted, drank or hoarded. You blew it, you see. Sitting in a brick and concrete square, rationing MREs and drinking bottled water for ten years. There will be nothing left for you...and you want to know the worst of it all? Genetics.

Yeah, you see, to repopulate the Earth, we can't go the Adam and Eve way anymore. It just doesn't work because our bodies need more genetic dissimilarities than ever before. Meaning you can't fuck your daughter and have a healthy child. You can't fuck your daughter's daughter and have a healthy child. You can't fuck your cousin's daughter and be reasonably free of danger of dysfunction. And when they breed, their genes will all be closer too. And when the genes of these children breed with genes of those children, the gene pool will only thin itself further and further, until in less than five generations, you will be fucking a close relative and your children will be more and more inbred with hundreds of birth defects.

The scary freaks that will be born to  those butch looking humanoid women then will be nothing but a shame, short lived creatures capable of doing very little. Cultivating the earth and rebuilding civilization will be a far too difficult a task for them. Some scientists claim that the number to effectively repopulate the Earth would have to be anywhere between 100 to 10,000 people. This is wildly speculative though. The fewer the number, the greater restrictions on who has sex with whom. The funny thing is that we hope we can get 100 people to follow the breeding rules and regulations of a few genetic theorists tasked to repopulate the Earth and that their needed resources can still be found.

Because once the resources fall again, it's not survival of the genetic code, but survival of the fittest. Not necessarily the friend of genetic needs. So...we can count on the world after the world ends to not be much of a party. So, like I said, I have the HOBOBOB solution for everything (oh, HOBOBOB is a new organization founded on January 2nd, 2011. HOBOBOB stands for the: Human Operation of Basic Objectives by Observant Biochemists). What's the solution from our team of trained experts?

It's called the RFN solution. We at HOBOBOB believe this is the only solution that will gain the most benefits at the end of the world scenario. RFN stands for 'Right Fucking NOW!' Get the fuck to partying RIGHT FUCKING NOW! You want that girl, take her on a date RIGHT FUCKING NOW! You hate your boss, kill that fuck RIGHT FUCKING NOW! You want to be married? Get married RIGHT FUCKING NOW! You want your husband to build that addition on your home, get him to work on it RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

The fucking sooner the better. Then you get to enjoy them longer. The more you put off, the less things and time you'll have to enjoy them. Think of this civilization as a finite resource that's drying up fast. Treat it that way. As Sting of the Police once sang: "As the world is runnin' down, make the best of what's still around." You have yourself to thank for taking the RFN rule to heart. There is nothing more painful than regret.

Your husband is a philandering bastard, leave his ass and take his money RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Your secretary is hot, fuck her RIGHT FUCKING NOW. You are a hobo in the city and you live in an SRO....hmmm. You have a desire to stay away from humankind so you should....hmmm. You have three dollars in your pocket so you want to make....hmmm. What does a hobo want? Oh I know what I want! To be left the fuck alone to blog!! So guess what? I'm doing that shit RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!

So here I am, three in the morning, typing like a maniac. It's Christmas morning now, but you won't be reading this until the New Year, but that's alright. I'm living in the future right now. That's why I made the HOBOBOB institute to look at the future. I'm a futurist now. I'll fill you in on all the shit that WILL happen, since I'm writing a week into the future, you can depend on me.

Just hold on, you'll see. I'm writing for the sake of humanity. I'm writing for all of you.




And because I'm quite insane and live in The Spot.
Peace,

Hb